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Cort Ammon
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You will have to forgive the crude stereotyping which occurs in this answer. Joe is taking over the world on a budget, and frankly he couldn't pay me enough to figure out how to do it without national stereotypes, so the plan is what it is. The details are available in my book, Taking Over Third World Nations for Fun and Profit.

The first three steps are the standard approach to becoming a multi-national force.

Step 1: Buy a set of Lego Mindstorms robots, a plane ticket to Djibouti, and materials for pipe bombs. Djibouti's capital, Djibouti has only one railroad track going into it, so you should be able to create a pipe bomb wielding mindstorm robot that triggers when you enter the switching station. Their per-capita income is only $1600, so it should not take much to convince them to surrender to your nefarious schemes. Congratulations, you are now a sovereign power.

Step 2: Now that you are a sovereign nation, fly to France, and proclaim a declaration of war. They should surrender without a fight.

Step 3: Take the French Foreign Legion, walk them backwards into Poland, tell them you're leaving, and they'll never see it coming until you control Poland as well.

Step 4: Go back to France and go to BIPM, the International Bureau of Weights and Measures. Stored at BIPM is the International Prototype Kilogram (IPK), the definitive measure of what a kilogram actually is. Did you know Troy Ounces are defined to be 480 grains, and a grain is defined to be 0.00006479891 kilograms? You define the mass of a kilogram now. Through clever manipulation of the IPK, and thus the value of gold, corner the gold market.

Step 5: Buy up as much Greek debt as you can. With your corner on gold, you should be able to buy up most, if not all of it. Use your financial power to encourage them to vote you into power.

Step 6: Offer Olympic concessions regarding homosexual athletes to Russia, while simultaneously getting them to accept a US ballistic missile defense base on Polish soil. Once it's too late to back out on the missile base, "give in" to the world pressure, and host them in Canada again.

Step 7: Like any overlord bent on world control, we're going to have to turn to force at some point. Buy up a bunch of guns on US soil. While Canada is still distracted by the Olympic venue, leak rumors that Canada is going to allow firearms. All those ultra conservatives who have "threatened to go to Canada" over healthcare reform will pack up their arms and try to cross the border. You'll note that, out of all foreign police and military, I'm not messing with the Canadian Mounties? There's a reason. I don't want to pick a fight with a Mountie! However, they're a great feint. While all the gun nuts are detained in Canada, we can realize their ultimate fear once and for all, by taking over the US by force, since there' no more gun nuts to protect all of us "honest folk."

Step 8: Okay, a little more force. The US has nukes. We just put up a ballistic missile defense layer in Poland, just like the US wanted. This is the point where we poke Russia on the shoulder and politely ask them to ceed jurisdiction. There may have to be some financial aspects involved. Fortunately, Canada will have resentfully withdrawn all exports of Crown Royal, so there will be a open market to convert US drinkers to Russian Vodka instead. This also hedges your position in the US. Any dissidents in the US may be given potato vodka with high quantities of methanol, making sure they go blind.

Step 9: Okay, enough dirty work. Now we can go back into doing this with style. Broker an arranged marriage with the daughter of an influential Indian politician to gain power. Then, ship all the Poles to India. Give them government roles, and let the Indian bureaucrats teach them how to take bribes. They'll get it backwards, offering better services for those who do not bribe, leading to the most rapid reform ever recorded in a country.

Step 10: China is under attack because their market is being eroded by cheaper sources of labor, like India. Use control of India and the Chinese market, the USA, to broker a deal for power in exchange for not crushing the Chinese economy. If they're not biting, you can engage in psychological warfare by having the call centers of India all spamming the phones of the Chinese leading party, day and night.

Step 11: Now we need some more power in the EU. You have control of several influential atomic clocks in France, begin skewing the time to make the Spanish siesta take longer than usual, while you manage your invasion. By this time, from all your manipulation of the IPK and time, German engineering is going to have lost its precision. You should be able to waltz past several legions, all suffering from components whose insane tolerances are no longer being met. That should be enough to take over the EU. If not, you may need the help of Britain. I recommend using your influence over the world wide Patrick Steward fan mob to manipulate him into a position of power. Then use that power to get Ian McKellen a position as well. The awesome accomplishment of getting those two in power should be more than enough to convince the world that you will be a benevolent dictator once you assume power.

Step 12: Australia. Leave it alone. Seriously. Who would want to try to take over Australia? Bunch of decedents from convicts, kangaroos, and convicted kangaroos! We'll leave Australia off of world domination for now. Mostly dominated is good enough, right? It's safer this way.

Cort Ammon
  • 132.9k
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