I made a pact with a demonic being: I wanted to be a successful sportsman in any team sport.

Why I wanted this stupid wish to be granted? Because I'm a fatty un-sporty man (one of the least fittest man in the world!) so my childhood dream was always to be good at team sports and be admired by my teammates.

But we know how Demons like to play with their summoners, don't we? So even if I was expecting to be transformed into a manly Adonis with innate hability to be successful in any team sport my body was kept the same but I was granted with the ability to make my team always win as long as I am playing along with them.


After some trial and error I came up with the following rules about my unusual power:

  • I should be part of the playing team: not Referee or this kind of Staff.
  • My sport performance hasn't been improved at all, but it seems that my team performance improves a little.
  • The opponent team performance is affected, they play as if they weren't having a good day: their mistakes are very common.
  • It should be a team sport, I tried to play Tennis as singles and doubles and I only won when playing doubles.
  • It should be physical sport, I tried e-sports and it didn't work at all.
  • All effects to my team or the opposing team aren't permanent: as long as I'm not playing with them or against them, they act with the usual ability.


I already gave up on becoming a successful sportsman, but I want to use this power to earn as much money as possible... but is not as easy as I was expecting: no one wants a fatty like me to be part of any team in any sport.

I've tried some sports betting and I got some money from that, but it wasn't a big deal because it was against some Basketball street players.

What should be my best choice in order to become rich? I want money! Lots! As soon as possible!

  • $\begingroup$ Ever watch White Men Can't Jump? (Speaking of hustling, does pool count? Or golf? Or, hey, cheer leading competition? Pudgy mascot ftw!) $\endgroup$
    – The Nate
    Jan 20, 2017 at 19:51
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    $\begingroup$ how about a sailing team? its definitely physical, but the vagueries of the weather mean there are lots of 'lucky breaks' and there are big prizes on offer. $\endgroup$
    – Ewan
    Jan 20, 2017 at 20:04
  • $\begingroup$ @TheNate I just saw the trailer in YouTube and it have some good Ideas for the plot I'm working with! Thank you very much! $\endgroup$ Jan 20, 2017 at 20:21
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    $\begingroup$ @TylerH #1 I need to be playing. #2 I don't want others to know about my deal... maybe the Demon will cancel the deal and kill me or maybe other people will start studying Demonology in order to beat me! $\endgroup$ Jan 20, 2017 at 20:47
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    $\begingroup$ I can't answer because it's been marked as off-topic, BUT! Why don't you become a goalie? It's perfect, the other team will be playing worse so they won't score on you! You don't have to have any skill but you can demonstrably have good results. $\endgroup$ Jan 20, 2017 at 21:02

7 Answers 7


Get some seed capital.

Find a league system where you can "rise up" through success---like football in some cases. Ensure that it is a game where injuries are rare. (Less like football)

Buy yourself a team. It can start with just some friends. Play on it. You own it, so you can play on it. Ensure that the league rules (at every level) don't prevent owners from playing on the field.

Now. Win. Every. Game.

Especially because it doesn't matter who you have on your team, you should be able to rise up in leagues at a reasonably fast rate.

Play this up as you being amazing at picking talent, and you being on the teams is how you get a feel for it. Be quirky. "I can pick people who can win even down most of a man" basically.

The seed capitol can be gained through small team games like bowling, tennis, pool. Avoid gambling too much; you don't want to be offed by organized crime. Simply winning competitions should be enough; go for prize money competitions. Once you have a small amount of seed money, hire someone to find team games with short time frames from wanting to play with no history, to winning prize money, factoring in travel costs.

Start with some buddies who do it on a lark. As you can afford it, upgrade it to "general atheletes". To avoid accusations of cheating, have them do a bunch of strange mental and physical exercises which constantly vary. Ask them to humor you to start; sporters are highly superstitious. You'll get buy-in.

As part of the ruse, tell your team mates to play in completely unconventional ways. You know you'll win, so how they play tactically doesn't matter. People will attribute the team's success to that instead. The crazy tactics should again vary constantly without pattern (consider using dice) so others won't be able to suss out a pattern, duplicate it, and be justifiably surprised it won't work.


  • Bowling

    • Use only your thumb
    • Throw with two hands
    • On tippy-toes
    • Backwards
    • Always through a gutter ball on your first throw
    • Give it backspin
    • Lick the ball
  • Tennis

    • Backhands only
    • Close your eyes on every swing
    • Always aim for the left side
    • Volley it up in the air
  • Association Football

    • Only one offensive player
    • Only one defensive player
    • Everyone wears an eyepatch
    • Keep your hands behind your back
    • Stand on your head for 1 minute before the game

etc., etc.

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    $\begingroup$ This made me laugh a lot! AND sounds very good :) $\endgroup$ Jan 20, 2017 at 20:21

You are going to have to rise up in an amateur team sport, then make the jump to a pro level. Something where you can enlist your friends and ensure they realize WHY they are winning. So pool, billiards, etc. The prize money for these things is usually in the tens of thousands in major amateur competitions, but once your amateur team keeps winning you can jump to the pro leagues, get sponsorships, etc and get the big bucks. Sponsorships will undoubtedly be your major income stream.

You won't be able to crack pro sports teams because your poor physical condition won't let you make it through selection. Even joining a minor league team (of baseball, for example) won't help because while the TEAM wins, that will be attributed to players other than yourself (since you are not a great player). So even if the opposing teams play terribly, the other payers on your team are the ones scoring, blocking, getting yards run, etc, not you.

So you need to pick a sport where joe nobodies can pay to enter and climb the ladder, unless you can somehow convince a pro team manager to hire you, despite your poor performance, and keep you on when the team is winning and everyone is screaming to replace that slob in the outfield who always misses a ball in his area and is totally being carried by the rest of the team.

Pool or bowling prizes and sponsorships probably aren't much compared to basketball or football, but certainly enough to set you up well in life. Of course if you only win because the opposing team screws up ROYALLY EVERY TIME, you will eventually get blacklisted (and accused of cheating somehow), or become some sort of joke team, because otherwise a couple of average joes will never stand a chance at the pro level.

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    $\begingroup$ Imagine a high level bowling tournament scoring around 250. and then fat guy turns up with his team and scores 55. But wins, cos the opponents suddenly score 40. No one will accept this result. $\endgroup$
    – Innovine
    Jan 20, 2017 at 18:26
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    $\begingroup$ The only thing I want to add is, the character probably needs to give themselves some cover as a survival strategy. If you imagine this character as, mid-bowling-tournament, saying to his opponent "Hey Benny, I know where the bodies are buried!", even if Ben replies, "Man, Phil, what the ---- are you even talking about?!" his subsequent poor performance will be chalked up by all of the spectators to "wow, Phil totally got inside Ben's head." The character should ham it up as a really obnoxious player who is not, by themselves, very good. $\endgroup$
    – CR Drost
    Jan 20, 2017 at 18:53

Find a bad, amateur team. Teams must exist that have a really awful record.

Dress yourself up as a lucky mascot of some sort.

Blag joining in on a game - as the mascot - because it's 'lucky'. If necessary, ensure not enough players make it to a match one day. For amateur leagues, this is probably as easy as 'letting someone's tires down just before the match'. And then volunteer to 'make up numbers'.

Your power will kick in, and they will win, and attribute it to 'lucky mascot' syndrome.

Once it's happened once, you can probably swing 'joining in' again, because ... well, it didn't go too badly last time, did it guys?

But the important point would be - they need to go from mostly sucking, to mostly not sucking, quickly.

It might take a season - but after that season, people will realise that the 'lucky mascot' effect has worked, and is no more absurd than some sporting superstitions.

  • $\begingroup$ Wow! This can create some fun plot twists! :D $\endgroup$ Jan 20, 2017 at 20:06

How about Martial Arts? There is a Team Fighting Championship in which you fight as a team. That means that your team should win. If your ability means that your opponents make mistakes you can easily show that you are capable of knocking out your opponents.

Like other people already mentioned you should start with amateurs and make your way to the top. But it will probably be easier. If your opponents make mistakes while fighting you one-vs-one you can show that you are a pro by knocking them out (sort of...). This will work, because it is still a teamfight, even when you are at a single moment fighting one-vs-one.

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    $\begingroup$ His sporting ability has not been increased, therefore he will get his ass severely kicked in the one-on-one. Always. $\endgroup$
    – Innovine
    Jan 20, 2017 at 18:22
  • $\begingroup$ @Innovine: I would say this depends on the way his ability works. OP mentioned that his opponents seem to have a really bad day. Normally no amateur would stand any chance in a one-vs-one against someone with some experience, let alone pros. But if his ability is strong enough maybe he could do it. I just wanted to add this option, because I thought that not everybody would think of Martial Arts when thinking about teamsports. $\endgroup$
    – Secespitus
    Jan 20, 2017 at 18:29
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    $\begingroup$ If I were the demon, then I wouldn't allow this. Even if he's there with a team, he's still doing something alone and thus cannot rely on that someone else can take the credit for being good (which is how I interpret the cursed part of the deal). He could, however, go for some underground fights where they allow more than two fighters to face each other at the same time. That could potentially even bring more cash from illegal betting and such. $\endgroup$
    – Mrkvička
    Jan 20, 2017 at 18:45

Create your own team, on the sport that you like the most AND produces lot of money in your country. You probably would have to start it in an amateur league, and probably pay very young rookie players to join you. Say you will be the coach - player, and take the less demanding position that effectively plays.

Play your first season up to championship, take a few days off just not to have a perfect record (especially easy matches that your team may win without the spell), substitute yourself when you have a plentiful advantage, so people may notice the lucky spell but also you may be able to deflect it to your greatness as a coach and developing your players.

Once you win a league, join the above level; two or three years your team gets pro and good sponsors as a Cinderella story of success.

Ride it all the way to winning the top league, continental championship, and world championship on the sport. Then sell your successful team and retire!


Put in the work.

After picking a sport, train. Try to get as good as possible. That way, it's not such a crazy stretch to field you.

Doesn't sound like there is any curse prohibiting self improvement.

If you can get a team together for some Pro-Am thing, you're good. Quick cash. Run through those getting as much training as you can, hopefully finding a pro who likes you.

Explain things over drinks, but try to sound "sports-superstitious" and not "diablerist". Probably skip the pact bit. Caught a leprechaun napping, maybe, or a djinn bound to a jockstrap.

This guy introduces you to your best niche role and the people who can use it. If nothing else, he knows the people you'd need to convince to let you play.

(Btw, depending how you worded the wish, sulpher boy is on the hook to help.)


You've already been part of many teams, so you probably know some people. Find in a team an important guy that is your friend and you trust him and convince him of the truth. He will surely look for a way to put and keep you inside the team.

You won't be the star player, but after some victories, your friend may be ready to gather some other important guys from the team and give you a good wage in order to keep you in the team.

You could do this for more than one team (but not many), so they would "fight" for you ensuring you a lot of money.

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    $\begingroup$ He hasn't been part of many teams, he is actually very unfit. He thought he would gain an amazing physique and so be able to join a team. $\endgroup$
    – AngelPray
    Jan 20, 2017 at 18:43
  • $\begingroup$ I assumed that he tried to participate many teams, but didn't last long (since he said he gave up being a successful sportsman). This means that he may have made a friend or two. $\endgroup$
    – user32509
    Jan 25, 2017 at 18:23

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