On the Practical Aspects of Field Dressing, Preserving and Enjoyably Consuming Dragon Meat
Pre-kill preparations. Size: even a small (broiler) dragon is the size of the largest terrestrial elephants, so you’ve got to think scale here -- and I don’t mean those tough, armor-like things on the outside of the beast. As General Omar Bradley is alleged to have said, “Amateurs talk about strategy, professionals talk about logistics.” So too is this true of the non-trivial task of (safely) preparing dragon meat for consumption.
Consumables to have on hand, pre-kill:
I suggest a minimum of one barrel of salt and two of beer per ton of dragon. (You’ll need salt and rendered dragon fat to stabilize the hide until you can ship it to tanners experienced with dragonskin.)
At least as important is roughly one wagon-load of firewood per ton of dragon, about which -- and why, more later {0.-1}. Unless you’re dragon hunting in the depths of winter, you’ll want to have this with you when you start your hunt. You’ll also want every watertight barrel you can get your hands on, far beyond the salt and beer barrels. Properly cured oilcloth can stand in (for short term, at least) if you lack barrels, but you’ll need considerably more salt. Some cultures use vinegar-salt brines for preserving brine, but in field conditions I suggest beginners especially use salt or smoking to preserve the meat.
Tools and such:
Tripods, chain and hooks. Dragon primal cuts are big (even excluding the wings, which have almost no useful meat.) The Empress, in her wisdom, had a set of a dozen tripods, twelve cubits tall at the pivot point, made of the best available iron, some human generations ago. They have served her hunting parties long and well -- nor are they IMHO to numerous for handling a big dragon like Smaug. Since stainless steel is so expensive ever since that contremps with the goblins up north, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Weathering_steel is probably the best option -- combined with a good washdown and drying in full sunlight after each use.
(I successfully petitioned Her Majesty’s Minister of Coin for funds to make a number of interlocking plates of Weathering steel, to serve as a portable smokehouse. That I am writing this to you is evidence that The Imperial Tastebuds found this a worthwhile use of Imperial funds, but I digress. See {0.-1} )
Chainfalls (if your technology base can produce them) are a worthwhile investment in preventing accidents and processing those many tons of dragon speedily. This is where to spend money on your best, rust resistant steel (I favor full stainless alloy T316, myself.) Ditto the matching-pitch chain and hooks.
Because the dragon (and even resulting primal cults) are so large, you’ll want cutting tools with reach. We find naginatas work quite well; swords (especially heavy cavalry sabers) are OK, but machetes are for hacks.
Cauldrons for rendering the dragon fat and for reducing (thus stabilizing{0.0}) the dragon blood are also essential.
Step 0 (safety):
Make sure your dragon is really, really dead. They are tricky foes and happy to escape and/or avenge themselves by playing possum. Unless you’ve hacked it’s head clean off, I suggest sending a raw recruit to double check. {0.1}
Step 1: (hygene and safety)
Dig a deep pit as close downhill and away from open water as possible, for the disposal of the dangerous parts of the dragon {0.2}. The stomach and fire-bladder -- and all of the drained blood, unless you are stabilizing it. Put all this into the pit and keep adding water -- especially if it starts to steam again! Start at least two cookfires. (Yes, now. Don’t wait until masses of armed, dragon-blood maddened men get hungry!)
Step 2: Only when the pit and several barrels of water are at hand, have your most experienced, brave and steady-handed butchers and/or soldiers gut the dragon and put immediately the stomach and large intestines into the pit. Follow with at least two barrels of water and watch for flare-ups for the next day. There are differing opinions on the gallbladder, gall and stones. {0.2}
Step 3. Award the head and heart with suitable flourishes to those persons that Law, custom, contractual obligations or tactical prudence dictate.
Step 4: Separate the wings from the carcass {0.4}
Step 5: Separate primal cuts for draining.
Here’s a suggested breakdown, though regional predilections/health regs. may dictate alternate cuts.
Neck (in 3+ sections to fit; best to keep head-end up until well rinsed and drained) {0.3}
Tail (in 3+ sections to fit)
Thigh/drumstick (2)
(Separate the ribs from the spine and breasts, and get those cooking; your people are hungry!)
Breast (2, possibly cut into 2 sects each, if you’ve taken a large dragon)
(Spine once drained, start a soup pot; see previous entry, scaled down.)
Step 6: Hang to drain the blood into iron cauldrons. Promptly either stabilize the blood by boiling it, or dispose of into the pit with at least an equal volume of water.
Step 7: Cook enough dragon meat to serve ALL of your friends and allies; they’ve faced a fearsome beast and won the day. Feed them well. Seriously, now is not the time to be a cheapskate. People are watching; important people. Providing BBQ sauce and beer will pay dividends in time. Note also the potential upside for trade (and taxation!) of the trade fair that often pops up to celebrate (and/or make a quick coin) on a dragon kill in populated territory (deep winter excepted unless your technology base is up to it.) I suspect that my suggestion of a default Imperial taxation at such events helped the Minister of Coin view my requests for supplementary funds {for the portable Dracon smokehouse} in a positive light; though the samples for his consideration might also have played some minor role.
Step 8: Preserve as much dragon meat as you can, by smoking, salting, brining or spices (sausage.) Waste not, want not -- even at dragon scale. (Sorry, I couldn’t resist ;-)
~||~
{0.-1} Contrary to the fanciful notions of those writing from less than first-hand experience, I can assure you that some dragons have a wealth of body fat. There are sedentary types in all cultures. Rendered dragon fat is, as you know, a valuable source of both lubrication and long lasting calories. However, the most important type of fat on a dragon is that which is deliciously well marbled into those thin layers of muscle that we can preserve with hardwood smoke and perhaps some maple sugar:
Dracon!
And yes, it should be capitalized. Anybody who disagrees has clearly never tasted it.
-- “A Dracon, lettuce and tomato sandwich, when the Dracon is nice and crispy and the tomato is ripe, even better than true love!” -- Miracle Max, just before his Witch smacked him a good one, and swiped the sandwich.
{0.0} As history and legend tell us, collecting and stabilizing dragon blood is effectively an all or nothing proposition! Reduction to half volume and sealing in barrels seems to be the safest bet, followed by prompt shipment to somebody who will pay for it. On no account reduce any dragon blood beyond one quarter of its original volume -- even little bits. You can travel to Iceland to see the results if you’d like. Bringing your own drinking water is still advised, even after all these centuries.
{0.1}
Exactly how a raw recruit does so can yield valuable info about combat potential. The recruit who walks up and hits the dragon on the nose will be, sooner or later, arrow fodder. The recruit who nails the dragon with a crossbow quarrel in an unarmored spot, from cover and downwind is somebody who’ll last more than one campaign.
{0.2} Some Mages will pay big time for these; I don’t know if it’s a drug or like Kryptonite or whatever. How brave/foolish are you and your men feeling today? On a dare, I did it once; another barrel and salt. I got paid in full, but still not eager to repeat; that color just says ‘evil’ to me.
{0.3} Contrary to other reports, the neck, once properly drained, rinsed and stripped of fire-gall tubing makes a delightfully lean Dracon. Or if you have a brave sausage-maker, there’s a smoked dragon kielbasa that is to die for. If not, I’ll happily advance five gold pieces for the neck, salted down in barrels, free on my dock. I know some brave sausage makers. (Terrible english, but they are past masters of capturing and preserving umami!)
{0.4}
And let the tanners and scalers at the wings; there’s almost no useful meat to be had from the wings; though people from the province known as Buffalo apparently feel otherwise. A paste of two parts fine-ground salt to one part rendered dragon fat will preserve the skin for a week or two, unless the weather is really hot and humid.)