So, I have this planet. Located on this planet is the call centre that keeps phoning at dinner time and will not shut up, even after I demanded to be added to their Do Not Call list, changed my phone number, and blocked every number they use.
It's clear at this point that the only way for me to get some peace and quiet is to utterly obliterate all life from the surface of this planet.
I check my pockets. I have:
- Cheap and efficient fusion power
- A small network of semi-stable wormholes for interstellar travel between seven pre-defined star systems
- Access to building materials roughly as strong as carbon nanotubes or graphene
- All the usual appurtenances of late 21st century technology (technology that is presently, as of 2016, cutting-edge research, like quick gene modification, high-capacity power systems, room-temperature superconductors).
I want to ensure that the next person who sets up a call centre knows exactly what will happen to them.
I don't want to just wipe out life - I want to do it in an extravagent, over-the top, obvious, and spectacular fashion.
I don't want something that can be mistaken for just a planet with really bad luck.
Some options I have considered:
- Asteroid bombardment is too easy to mistake for a natural phenomenon. I don't want anyone who comes along to thing this might have been an accident.
- Nuke it from orbit. It's the only way to be sure. I may be sure, but it could look like something a developing civilisation did to themselves. It doesn't send a message.
- Blast it with gamma rays. Same problem as asteroid bombardment - it could have been a natural gamma ray burst.
Thoughts that I can't really evaluate:
- Change the orbit. If I spend a few centuries swinging asteroids around near the planet, I could either speed it up or slow it down, changing its orbit to either freeze or fry. But could I make that orbit look artificial enough to send the message?
- Strip the atmosphere. Not sure if there's a showy way to do this in a reasonable time.