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A king sits atop his throne. He's bored, he wants a new toy.

In order to show his machismo and virility, he has the largest sword in his kingdom. However, he's too weak to wield it and every other king has a huge sword...

He wants something better, something intimidating and fierce-looking that he can wave with gusto in front of his subjects so that they may cower before him.

He sends his knights out to find him something that his weapon-smith can form into something that befits his status.

You are his knights, what do you offer before your king?

Rules:

  • Has to be made from a real (Earth) animal from the current age (i.e. not a dinosaur)
  • Can be from anywhere in the world (the king has given you a passport of safe travel)
  • Doesn't have to be the whole animal (just the bitey/slashy part as applicable)
  • Should be used dead (his majesty doesn't condone animal cruelty)
  • Should look cool (tying Poison Dart Frogs to a stick may be deadly, but will look like a jester's rattle). Rotting flesh is also not cool
  • Not intended for battle, it's just for show. Still, it shouldn't fall apart and should last a few years at least
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closed as primarily opinion-based by Mołot, John Dallman, JDługosz, Separatrix, Frostfyre Sep 29 '16 at 12:19

Many good questions generate some degree of opinion based on expert experience, but answers to this question will tend to be almost entirely based on opinions, rather than facts, references, or specific expertise. If this question can be reworded to fit the rules in the help center, please edit the question.

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    $\begingroup$ Reminder to close-voters... $\endgroup$ – Frostfyre Sep 29 '16 at 12:18
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    $\begingroup$ That being said, I have to agree with the VTC. At the time of this comment, there are 12 different weapons spread across five answers, and they're all perfectly valid. $\endgroup$ – Frostfyre Sep 29 '16 at 12:19
  • $\begingroup$ Got about five ideas on the spot, hope you'll enjoy them. :) $\endgroup$ – Yassine Badache Sep 29 '16 at 12:19
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    $\begingroup$ Dead booze rat molotov cocktail... it's super effective! $\endgroup$ – user6760 Sep 29 '16 at 14:44
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Some ideas that come in my mind at the moment:

The Ivory Knight

Kill a shark and an elephant. Take the ivory from the elephant, carve it as a weapon (some 1-handed sword) and sword, and inlay the teeth as the blade. Take a classic handle with leather, add some peacock feathers to the guard to make it look both pretty and deadly. This way, you have a light sword who look deadly. Think about a dealdier, bigger, prettier version of this badass over here.

The Ivory Berserker

The same idea as above, but take more ivory to make a two-handed sword. Now we're talking.

The Sea King

Take a swordfish. His nose is a deadly monster about penetration. Kill two or three of them, make them into either a trident, a single spear, a sword or either of them. Reinforced its raw design with feathers and jewelry. You have there some pretty weapons from the sea.

The Magic Wielder

Take a simple, long staff. Take an intimidating dead animal, like a dead goat or something similar (ofter a goat or a ram). Put it at the end of your staff. Keep the skin to decorate the top of your staff, between the handle and the actual head. Get some precious stones (ruby, for fire and fury e.g) and put them inside the eyes. As always, beautiful feathers and some pieces of clothing may make everyone believe you mastered magic.

The Bulky King

Tahe the skin of an armadillo. Take a staff, which you will carve as a weapon, either one or two-handed. If two-handed, plan some more armadillo's skin. You're making a ball from the skin(s), and carve interesting parts of animals onto it. For example, eagle fangs, lion claws, tiger teeth. If it is a two-handed, vary between them in order to make it look even deadlier, between penetration and actual cutting through. Decoration, feather, clothing, and there you are: no one will ever want to take a hit on this weapon.


Of course, all those weapons must be carefully assembled, fortified when it comes to linking. Even if not for fighting, it would be bad for your king if a fang decided to fall as nothing happened. A blacksmith might assemble everything together, because here we suppose we know someone who- oh, wait, this is off-topic. Your weapons are strong, and ready, my King.

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  • $\begingroup$ Alas, the privy council has spoken and reined in the reigning king. The shining white Ivory King he shall be. He thanks you and offers you a brace of armadillos as your just reward. $\endgroup$ – Snow Sep 29 '16 at 12:26
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    $\begingroup$ This sounds like a scammy NPC reward ... I just killed two of the deadliest animals alive, you're rewarding me with a brace, not even enchanted ? I'm going to seel that jun- Ahem, thank you my Lord. (Glad to have helped you :)) $\endgroup$ – Yassine Badache Sep 29 '16 at 12:31
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    $\begingroup$ The King's middle daughter happens to love armadillos... $\endgroup$ – Snow Sep 29 '16 at 12:35
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The first thing I think about is the sword of the saw fish, you just need a handle and it looks super cool and strong in my opinion. Or just use the horn of the Narwhal, but I have to say it looks a bit boring so I would upgrade it with shark teeth.

Also, a stuffed Lamprey looks dangerous because of the mouth.

Also, you could wrap the skin of a Blue Ringed Octopus around a stick, I think this color looks great. This would work with other venomous looking animals.

Just using teeth of lions or other animals with huge teeth and putting them on a stick looks dangerous too, you can decorate the stick also with feathers of animals like the peacock.

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Head of a ram. Put it on top of a staff and it would look quite powerful, magical and intimidating. You should adorn that with jewels obviously.

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I would go on and make a Macuahuitl. I'd carve the wooden basis from bone, probably elephant bone, and decorate the hilt with a small animal skull (fox maybe?). Wolf, tiger and lion teeth would be threaded on a string and attached to the weapons hilt as decoration, together with some hawk and eagle feathers.

The "blade" of the weapon would be made of shark teeth. The whole thing would scream "powerful alpha dude incoming, make way or become a trophy" all over the place.

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I think anything would do, if you add accessories or scatter around a weapon with bioluminescent plankton. It would be totally cool if it's night time. The other king would be surprised. Just my opinion.

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