THE THEORY OF DARK SUCKERS
as presented by Paul Holmgren
with additions and corrections by Holly Stowe
For years it was believed that light wes emitted from an electric bulb; recent information has proven otherwise - dark is sucked into the bulb - therefore, the bulb is a dark sucker.
There are many types and sizes of dark suckers. The largest manufacturers of dark suckers are General Electric and Sylvania. Some modern dark suckers utilize solid power to operate properly. Solid power units can be purchased from Eveready, Exide, and Duracell.
The dark sucker theory proves the existance of dark suckers as well as proving that dark is heaver than light. Some examples are as follows:
Electric bulbs: There is less dark near the electric bulb than at a distance of 100 feet when it is operating; therefore, it is sucking dark and can be classified as a dark sucker. The larger the dark sucker, the greater the distance it can suck dark. The larger the dark sucker the greater its capacity of dark. The dark sucking capabilities are evident when the dark sucker has reached its capacity and will no longer suck dark. At that point you may notice the dark area on the inside portion of the dark sucker. The larger the dark sucker, the larger the area of dark found within. This type of dark sucker can be made directional by placing a shield around a portion of the unit or behind it. This will prevent dark from entering the dark sucker from that side thereby extending the range of the dark sucker on the unprotected/unshielded side.
Candles - primitive dark suckers: There is more dark 30 feet from a lit candle then there is at a distance of 3 feet. Proof of it's dark sucking capabilities is relatively simple. Examine a new unused candle, notice that the center core is not dark. Ignite the center core. Allow the center core to burn for about 5 minutes. Notice the lack of dark around the candle. Extinguish the candle flame. Notice that the center core of the candle is now dark. The center core is a dark sucker protected by a soft insulator to extend it's life expectancy and maintain rigidity to verify that this primitive dark sucker is operating properly. Ignite the center core and allow it to burn for a minimum of 2 minutes. Pass a clean pencil over the top of the flame, left to right, approximately 3 inches above the center core. Notice that there is no dark on the pencil. Pass the pencil over the center core now about 1/2 inch. Notice that the pencil now has a dark area. The pencil blocked the path of the dark being sucked to the core of the dark sucker. This type dark sucker is very primitive and does not suck dark any great distance nor does it have a large capacity.
Dark sucker solid power units may be purchased locally at a variety of outlets. Size does not determine the life expectancy of the dark sucker solid power unit. These solid power units work with many modern dark suckers, and absorb dark from the dark sucker. The absorbed dark is converted to solid power within the unit.
An example of the conversion of dark into solid power in the automobile of today. Notice an auto in use during dark hours. Two (possibly four) large dark suckers are located on the front. On the rear there are two (or 3) smaller dark suckers with red filters. You may also notice several dark suckers with yellow filters. These filters are required to remove a percentage of red and yellow from total dark so as to energize the solid power unit. The solid power unit permits the auto to be utilized during hours of no dark by the dark it has absorbed. The number of dark suckers varies with the age of the automobile. Newer automobile solid power units require a greater percentage of red filtered dark. Older units generally require more non-filtered dark. The solid power unit of the automobile has a dark interior. This can be proved by cutting the solid power unit in half.
Dark is heavier than light. Dark always settles to the bottom of a lake and/or river. Submerge just below the surface of a lake and you will notice an absence of dark. Lower yourself to 15 feet below the surface and you will notice a degree of darkness even on a sunny, bright day. Lower yourself to 50 feet (or more) below the surface and you are in total dark. Ergo, the dark has settled to the bottom; therefore, dark is heavier than light. Modern technology has allowed us to utilize the dark that has settled to the bottom of large rivers through the creation of turbines which push the dark downriver to the ocean, which has a larger holding capacity for dark and is a common safe storage location. As the dark is passed through the turbine, a percentage of solid power is removed and transmitted to various short term storage plants for many usages. Prior to turbines, it was much more difficult to move the dark from rivers to storage areas such as deep lakes or the ocean. The Indians would paddle their canoes very little and not very deeply if they were going in the direction of flow of dark so as not to slow it down. However, if they were traveling opposite the natural flow of dark, they would dig their paddles very deep and rapidly to assist the flow of dark to its ocean storage place.
Dark is faster than light. If you would open a drawer very slowly, you will notice that the light goes into the drawer. (You can see this happen.) You cannot see the dark leave the drawer. Continue to open the drawer and light will continue to enter the drawer; however, you will not see any dark leave the drawer. Therefore, dark is faster than light. Go into a closet, close the door, and turn off the dark sucker. Have a friend open the door about 1 inch. Your friend will not see any dark leave the closet, nor will you. Have your friend open the door until half the closet is dark and half is light. Since 2 objects cannot occupy the same space at the same time, and you do not feel any change in pressure, by compressing the dark, it is logical to assume that dark is faster than light.
One last proof.
What is a by-product of movement of dark? Heat. What is a by- product of dark suckers? Heat, again.
Therefore a dark sucker generates heat during its operation, sucking dark from the surrounding area.