A HUG in your life: a guide to workplace harmony
Your team is about to welcome a new colleague from the HUG (Haematophagous, Undead and Ghoulish) community. You may be apprehensive about this change and may harbour preconceptions about the HUG community that could cause friction with your new coworker. HR has produced this guide to reassure you that a HUG colleague can be a wonderful professional addition to your work environment and simple civility rules can ensure that your relationship is fulfilling, courteous and enriching for all.
Many members of the HUG community use the word "vampire" to self-describe. However, some prefer other descriptors, and some are not comfortable with people who are not from a HUG background using this word. Please make sure you use the terminology your colleague prefers! We are all individuals, and we are all special. Slurs against the HUG community will not be tolerated and repeat offenses will result in disciplinary action.
People from a HUG background are sensitive to certain environmental stressors. Please minimise the use of garlic in your food, especially raw. In some cases, we may have to ask you to refrain from eating garlic-heavy food in the evening before a workday. If your consumption of garlic is such that it can be smelled on your sweat the next day, we can assure you that your non-HUG colleagues will be grateful as well.
Direct sunlight can be extremely harmful to your HUG colleagues. Please ensure that rooms designated as "UV-safe" are kept protected from sunlight. Note that all windows have now been fitted with locks to prevent accidental opening; incinerating your colleagues will result in disciplinary action, even if done "as a prank".
In case of fire, designated "HUG support" staff will be tasked to wrap their assigned HUG colleague in the Cofyn(TM) Safety Blanket for safe relocation to the concentration point. Please, all designated staff, ensure that you attend mandatory training and take part in one yearly exercise at the minimum. We strive for no more than 2 incinerated staff per exercise - help us reach our goal!
Courtesy and language
Many HUG colleagues will be uncomfortable with religious symbols, such as crucifixes. It's important to understand that this is not a rejection of your faith and beliefs, and your colleague is just experiencing a physical reaction that only superficially resembles demonic possession. We strongly encourage you to minimise the use and visibility of these symbols in the presence of your HUG colleagues: repeat offenses will result in disciplinary action. We are also fully committed to supporting your right to express your beliefs freely and without fear of repercussion.
It is considered bad manners to use words such as blood or bloody, as they can cause your HUG colleagues to become hungry and distracted. Why not say blooming instead? Other words you may wish to avoid include "mirror", "bat" and "stakeholder".
We expect all our HUG staff to refrain from feeding on their colleagues wherever possible. You may personally agree to provide blood for your HUG colleague, however please use the designated smoker shelters outside for this and make use of the ethanol wipes provided to clean the area. Please report any instances of unconsented feeding to your line manager, as this will allow us to enact the Stop Taking Anyone's Blood procedure to help the HUG colleague responsible better manage their needs.
I was scared when I heard I would be working with a vampire, but Shelly's been the loveliest and a great addition to our pub quiz team!
The most important thing for me was that all my colleagues were very open and kind when I told them that I could smell their garlic bread or that it's rude to use the b-word. It's made me feel really welcome and everyone enjoyed the garlic-free breadrolls that I baked!
Being undead can be really tough, I am grateful to all my colleagues who agree to let me have a little sip when I feel my productivity is going down.