In my story there's a family which only refers to themselves by their last name. They only go by their first names when in company with other members of their family, but even then they tend to use a pet name. The only way to actually know their name is by marrying into their family (besides being their doctor or something like that). But besides that they make sure that only people in their family know their first names.
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4$\begingroup$ Is this uncommon? I have never called my mother or father by their "official" given names, and I have never heard them themselves do it. (The only place where I use their official given names is on official forms.) Everybody in the family and close friends used their "pet" names, and us children called them Mother and Father. (And my mother never called me by my "official" given name.) (And my experience with my in-laws and uncles and aunts is similar. It was only after several years that I learned their real first names. I still don't know the actual "official" given name of one of my aunts.) $\endgroup$– AlexPCommented Feb 4, 2022 at 0:22
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1$\begingroup$ So I guess it is highly dependent on the culture. Here in Romania it would be very rare (not unheard of, but rare) that a man named, for example, Constantin or T(h)eodor would be actually called Constantin or T(h)eodor by anybody -- the expected forms in actual usage would be Dinu / Tani / Tinel and Doru. (Except in the army and such stuffy places.) $\endgroup$– AlexPCommented Feb 4, 2022 at 0:28
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3$\begingroup$ This looks story based - you are wanting us to explain the decision of a group of characters in your world. While people could come up with all kinds of cultural, religious or secret society-based reasons why this family has made this choice, how are people drafting an answer going to know if it is a "good" rationale? $\endgroup$– KerrAvon2055Commented Feb 4, 2022 at 0:50
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3$\begingroup$ "Mr. Anderson..." - Smith (Actually, while writing this, I noticed that this kind of matches the description, even though it's just a dumb Matrix joke) $\endgroup$– Murphy L.Commented Feb 4, 2022 at 2:16
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2$\begingroup$ In keeping with some of the other comments here - when I was a lot younger it was quite rare to know a person's first name. Always it was Mr or Mrs Smith. Etc. One told one's first name only to a friend. To be told the first name was to be accepted into the close circle of friends. $\endgroup$– BruceCommented Feb 4, 2022 at 10:47
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8 Answers
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In several cultures there are myths associated to people's names. From Wikipedia:
In Jewish tradition, when several children have died in a family the next that is born has no name given to it, but is referred to as "Alter" (Yiddish: אלטער, literally "old"), or Alterke, the view being that the Angel of Death, not knowing the name of the child, will not be able to seize it.
Generally speaking, it was believed that someone could get some degree of control over someone else if they knew that person's name. In the most extreme of cases, they would be able to take their life away. For further reference, there are quite numerous examples of folklore, pop culture and fictional works in the Wikipedia article linked above.
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3$\begingroup$ This. This is an actual reason firsr names are not used in some cultures in the real world. $\endgroup$ Commented Feb 4, 2022 at 4:41
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3$\begingroup$ This is Stranger Danger 101. Invoking someone's name is extremely powerful and I rarely do it. And I'm not talking spiritually or w/e, I'm talking about How to Win Friends and Influence People. Don't get fished and give your name willingly to cold callers.... Your name and your birthday are the two most important pieces of information that you have. $\endgroup$– MazuraCommented Feb 4, 2022 at 7:21
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$\begingroup$ @Mazura I agree. I'd go a bit further and say that all words are meant to influence others and oneself. Like all tools, sometimes to help and sometimes to harm (at times we should be more susceptible and at times less). I wanted to expand a little on words but it seemed a bit off-topic. For those interested there is the See also section of the Wikipedia article (mantra and kotodama in particular). $\endgroup$– DystDCommented Feb 4, 2022 at 8:27
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1$\begingroup$ +1 indeed two links for reference, behindthename.com/name/alter it's European jewish (or jiddish) culture en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alter_(name) $\endgroup$– GoodiesCommented Feb 4, 2022 at 12:44
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Judging by the time you asked this question, I'm guessing you're somewhere in the Americas where it's unusual to be known by your surname.
Now the British are waking up we'll tell you it's entirely normal to be known primarily by your surname, or some familiar name based on it. Whether at school, at work, or among friends. Between one thing and another, it's reasonable not to know someone's actual first name.
(Even him, his first name isn't Boris, that's his stage name)
answered Feb 4, 2022 at 8:11
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$\begingroup$ Are you talking about the Mr./Mrs./Miss plus surname? From what I can tell, in the UK this only sees much use in schools and period dramas. $\endgroup$ Commented Feb 4, 2022 at 14:54
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1$\begingroup$ @OmarL, no, it's partially a class and possibly regional thing, and far from universal, but being addressed just by surname is normal, especially when first names are duplicated in a group. $\endgroup$ Commented Feb 4, 2022 at 15:00
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$\begingroup$ Except when I worked with Ford (in Detroit), it seemed to be entirely normal to refer to people by their surname, especially if they weren't present. This seemed very odd to me, considering my last experience of that was at a stuck-in-the-past school in the 1980s. I've never seen this anywhere in adult life in the UK. $\endgroup$– GrahamCommented Feb 4, 2022 at 15:31
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$\begingroup$ A few examples which inform many cases: staff at UK independent schools when I was there some decades ago always referred to boys by surname, fellows pupils commonly did (the girl, only in in sixth form, were often Miss. X); Sportspeople are often known by surname; Academic references are nearly always to surname only, with first names used only in case of ambiguity. These could be replaced with "Mme. Curie" to tell Marie from Pierre, for example. $\endgroup$– Chris HCommented Feb 4, 2022 at 15:51
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$\begingroup$ Politicians are routinely referred to by surname, not just in the UK - for example, US presidents are called Clinton, Bush, Obama, Trump and Biden, not Bill, George, Barack, Donald and Joe in normal speech. $\endgroup$– kaya3Commented Feb 6, 2022 at 1:46
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The Romans did this, but the Romans had a messed up naming system.
There were only 40 first names (praenomen) typically given to a male Roman. As time went on, it narrowed to about a dozen.
So in public life, calling a Roman by their first name Decimus doesn't even make sense, because 1 out of every 20 people were named Decimus. So the given name was only used within the family.
Also females were not given a (first praenomen) name. They only had a last name, with a feminine declension.
So, let's use Julius Ceasar as an example. Hold on for it.
His name was Gaius Julius Ceasar. Gaius was his praenomen which is one of the most popular praenomens and we don't know him as Gaius. He was in the Julia gens, so his nomen was Julius. His family line had a cognomen Ceasar because some ancestor of his had a caesarian (latin for the verb to cut) birth and adopted it as a cognomen pasted down to his descendants.
His father and grandfather were named Gaius Julius Ceasar. His uncle was named Sextus Julius Ceasar and his aunt was named Julia Ceasar.
He had a sister named Julia Ceasar and another sister named Julia Ceasar. They were referred to as Julia Major and Julia Minor.
His daughter, who married Pompey, was named Julia Ceasar.
I'm not suggesting you follow this wacky system, but I am saying in history there are cultures which do not use given names. You can have such a culture in your world and not worry about having to justify the verisimilitude.
answered Feb 4, 2022 at 16:04
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$\begingroup$ I'm pretty sure that both those Julias were just Julia, or officially something like Julia f. C. Julii Caesaris. Never Julia Caesar. But yes, sometimes women used two-component names derived from the clan and branch name of their father, for example the famous Caecilia Metella. And the no-given-name rule only applies to freeborn Roman women. Slave women and freedwomen had and used given names. $\endgroup$– AlexPCommented Feb 5, 2022 at 9:14
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It is entirely possible for people to be known by their family name and a nickname. In some parts of the world, family names precede given names due to the importance that family names have over personal names.
Consider the novel Dune by Frank Herbert. The protagonist, Paul Atreides, is adopted into a clan of Fremen on the planet Arrakis. Fremen custom is for individuals to have a public name that the individual chooses for themselves, and a private name, which only those closest to the individual may know or use. Paul Atreides is given the private name Usul (meaning the base of a pillar), and chooses the public name, Paul Muad'dib... but the Fremen eventually drop 'Paul', and call him simply Muad'dib (the name of the hopping desert mouse).
Even in real world cultures, there are names that are restricted. In some modern Islamic societies, women may have given names that only their family or another woman may know, that no male stranger is permitted to know.
So, for a given name to not be known even if its owner is well known isn't anything particularly unusual.
answered Feb 4, 2022 at 1:03
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6$\begingroup$ Another example is the Japanese society, where people usually refer to each other by their last names, unless they're especially friendly to each other (i.e. family, friends or children). This is a recurring anime/manga trope. $\endgroup$– DystDCommented Feb 4, 2022 at 2:35
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1$\begingroup$ @DystD True, but even in Japan you usually introduce yourself with both your first and last name. You rarely refer to someone else my anything other than their last name, but you're expected to remember their first name from their introduction. $\endgroup$ Commented Feb 4, 2022 at 15:05
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Since no species/context was specified, I'm going to assume that they're on a human inhabited planet for the purposes of reconnaissance/surveillance. Take that as a frame-challenge if you will.
Their species doesn't have individual names, they identify solely as members of their swarm. They are a hive-mind that lacks differentiated identities or fixed functions within the group and arrive at decisions almost by reflex of consensus without debate or equivocation.
They are also shapeshifters, taking the form, clothing, voice, name and character-role of their chosen family member only in company when they imitate flawlessly all regular human habits and appropriate idiosyncrasies enough to seem like regular folks.
answered Feb 4, 2022 at 1:20
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Their first names are all very silly.
Rogue Lawyers with sophomoric senses of humor have changed the first names of all these people to silly strange and obscene things. Some of the new names are also extremely long. Some are invented symbols. Some are sound effects. All of the sound effects are fart noises. It is all perfectly legal but the family usually works around it.
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2$\begingroup$ The way this is written "rogue lawyers .. have changed the first names of all these people" sounds like there are lawyers who are changing people's names against their will. On top of that, it's doubtful lawyers were actually involved at all, you don't need a lawyer to change your name, it's not a difficult process. And on top of all of that, it's somewhat of a silly answer to the question - unless you can justify why, in this world, they had these names forced on them, they were able to since make them secret, and they are unable to change them and are ashamed of them. $\endgroup$ Commented Feb 4, 2022 at 19:28
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1$\begingroup$ @DavidLjungMadisonStellar: David: It is because they fought the law, and the law won. And it is only silly until it happens to you! No offense if it did. $\endgroup$– WillkCommented Feb 4, 2022 at 22:08
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Monarchs and Nobility
If your name is on this list announcing that you are part of that family is probably more important than your name unless you are famous in your own right.
If your last name has been changed to Caesar this also applies. Any name that is changed for religious/political reasons falls under this umbrella also
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$\begingroup$ Several inaccuracies on the linked page, by the way. For example, Louis Mountbatten was neither the first Mountbatten nor Earl of Burma. $\endgroup$ Commented Feb 4, 2022 at 6:05
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Use of surnames is pretty normal, with or without title. To me it seems odd that I even know my child's teachers' first names, when I'd always refer to them by their chosen title (usually Mr. or Mrs.; Ms. is fairly uncommon) and surname.
Nicknames are also common, as is a complete mixture.
In one club, we have:
- a duplicate first name known by a nickname unrelated to his name (animal-based FWIW - he often greets male friends by surname alone. Hearing my surname bellowed from a distance does transport me back to school sports though.
- one member commonly known by his surname
- another who uses first name and abbreviated surname, but whose son is almost invariably known by a nickname
- another parent known in some contexts by his self-employed business/work name, with a child referred to by a diminutive of that.
You might also look to the names people choose for themselves here, on Twitter or Strava (not so much Facebook with its real names policy) - somewhere between a nickname and a personal brand. These can be completely unrelated to their real name. If I met any of those in person, I'd call them by their adopted/screen name.
To use an example from here, this answer started as a comment on @separatrix's answer. I'd hazard a guess that's not their birth name.
I suspect you need to use the family name with a nickname to be more specific. The tricky bit is taking on that nickname from a young age - they might start off as "Baby Smith" but become "Broccoli Smith" after that time when they chucked unwanted food at a grandparent. That may or may not stick.
