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The aliens arrived in secret and hide on the blue side of the moon. And as they scanned our internet, they decided that Felis catus is the dominant species on Earth, as Homo sapiens sapiens clearly does their bidding all the time.

Now, the aliens do have some odd streak in that they seek out other planets to find a worthy overlord, and they believe this time they might have managed it!

Now, their search for the perfect overlord species to themselves prevents them to ever discuss terms with other subservient species, which means they can't contact humanity - even the idea of trying to decipher the language and glyphs humans use to describe things are so alien to them that they will not do so. They also can't just abduct any member of the overlord species Felis catus, because that would be sacrilege and even thinking about it makes them commit suicide. They can't pass for humans even passingly as they are Starfish Aliens of truly non-humanoid design. They can't also just use an invisibility technology or psi, as such doesn't exist.

How might the aliens still get in contact with a representative cat? Of course, eradicating humans would be a way to not need to contact humans, but glassing the surface also burns Felis catus.

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  • $\begingroup$ Comments are not for extended discussion; this conversation has been moved to chat. $\endgroup$ – L.Dutch - Reinstate Monica Oct 26 at 19:38
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    $\begingroup$ They must not have scanned the parts of Earth where cats are still on the menu. $\endgroup$ – EvilSnack Oct 26 at 19:46
  • $\begingroup$ There's a Don Rosa comic "Attack of the Hideous Space-Varmints" with a small subplot that's pretty similar, except it's a chicken instead of cats. The chicken sneaks onto the space ship unnoticed, the aliens find it and assume it is the leader because of its bright red comb. Seems there aren't any pics online that show it, but just wanted to mention it anyway. $\endgroup$ – MaxD Oct 26 at 23:03
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Finding a cat without a human is easy

A "representative cat" is a feral cat; the world has over twice as many strays as it does "owned" cats. So just find a stray living at a remove from humans, and you're done. Offer them some food, maybe keep some actual mice in a box to attract the cat (cats can hear into the ultrasonic range to track mice), and bam, first contact made.

Even if you insist on a cat that humans take care of (it's a status symbol, clearly the feral cats are the peasantry of cats), a non-trivial percentage of the 220 million "owned" cats are barn cats on farms. Humans still feed them (because cats hunt for pleasure, and feeding them ensures they do their hunting near the barn, rather than travelling further afield to hunt/beg for food), but the cats are left alone, away from humans, all night long. Just meet them inside the barn so no one abroad after dark would see you. Cats that don't live in a human's house tend to gravitate to a nocturnal existence anyway (as opposed to house cats, which tend to be crepuscular, matching the apparent activity cycle of their humans), and you want to make contact when they're awake.

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Cat Toys

Obviously one of the prime functions of the subservient Homo Sapiens is to assist their overlord in the pursuit of physical purr-fection. This is done with strings, mechanical rodents, and laser pointers.

This provides the aliens with not only a way to make contact with their new overlords, but also to prove that they are better servants. Make a perfect cat toy, and the world will beat a path to your door.

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Offerings suitable for their royal highnesses

With the average cat travelling 200 meters from homes in an average day, it’s quite easy to get a neighbourhood cat to regularly grace you with their presence in return for some offerings of the tinned variety.

The aliens are forbidden from reading or talking to humans, but that doesn’t mean they're forbidden from a smash and grab of cat food from the local shop (the cans have pictures of cats on it — easy to find). Failing that, they're also not forbidden from abducting lower creatures and grinding them up into mince meat. (If the mincer is loud enough you can’t hear them talk / scream).

Park your UFO on the outskirts of a town late at night, and prepare your offerings. Once they have judged your offerings as suitable, cats will think you worthy of an audience.

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