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There was an old SCP I liked called SCP-3008 (The Infinity IKEA) here it is: http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-3008

My question is, if a group of people were trapped within SCP-3008, what would be the optimal way to survive safely?

For the uninformed, here are the facts:

  • it is an IKEA. The only tools and materials you have access to are those that can be found in an IKEA.

  • Every night (from about 10 PM to 8 AM) creatures called the staff attack. You must defend yourself from them.

  • The staff are humanoid entities. While superficially resembling humans they possess exaggerated and inconsistent bodily proportions, often described as being too short or too tall. They possess no facial features and in all observed cases wear a yellow shirt and blue trousers consistent with the IKEA employee uniform.

  • During the "night" instances of the staff will become violent towards all other lifeforms within SCP-3008. During these bouts of violence they have been heard to vocalize phrases in English that are typically variations of "The store is now closed, please exit the building". Once "day" begins the staff immediately become passive and begin moving throughout SCP-3008 seemingly at random. They are unresponsive to questioning or other verbal cues in this state, though will react violently if attacked.

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    $\begingroup$ Go into kids playground nd close doors behind you? $\endgroup$ Jun 25, 2020 at 7:16
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    $\begingroup$ I dunno some of the staff are "too short". That might qualify them to enter the playground. $\endgroup$
    – Daron
    Jun 25, 2020 at 9:21
  • $\begingroup$ @Daron IKEA playground have those barn type doors. When you can open/close only half of them. And just close the entire playground. $\endgroup$ Jun 25, 2020 at 10:09
  • $\begingroup$ I think this video could give you some ideas. Sure, the protagonist is implied to be an immortal child of the Scarlet King, but still... $\endgroup$ Jun 25, 2020 at 13:15
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    $\begingroup$ I myself would hope their cafe is well stocked. I love those meatballs! $\endgroup$
    – davidbak
    Jun 25, 2020 at 18:01

4 Answers 4

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Since the staff seems to be reacting only to presence during night, you can safely close yourself into a wardrobe. Even better, you can take two of them, remove the sliding doors and put them face to face. so that you can stay within.

You can even lay one small wardrobe flat on the ground and use it coffin style, if you fancy it.

Additional passive defensive mean can be

  • some shattered mirrors all around the wardrobe (mirrors are available in the appropriate section of the store)
  • cut metal springs into pointy objects and lay them on the floor

If you want some attack weapon, you can build something resembling a spear using either the metal side of the wardrobe sliding door, aptly sharpened, or a shower rail where you have stuck something spiky (screws, glass shards, cut springs). You will find a tool box with screwdriver and plier.

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    $\begingroup$ Entering one of the premade bedroom spaces and closing off the entrances with wardrobes etc so the Staff don’t realise you’re in there might also be a viable strategy. $\endgroup$
    – Joe Bloggs
    Jun 25, 2020 at 6:44
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    $\begingroup$ Spear is great in open area, but is not always the best weapon in closed space, especially inside a wardrobe. Having a dagger near you when you sleep seems a better choice $\endgroup$
    – Kepotx
    Jun 25, 2020 at 8:40
  • $\begingroup$ @Kepotx, the shower rail can be conveniently changed in length $\endgroup$
    – L.Dutch
    Jun 25, 2020 at 8:42
  • $\begingroup$ Length can be divided by two, but probably not more (at least if we think about the same object), so you've got a sword-like weapon, but it's still clumsy to use in a wardrobe. If it can fold into a smaller handle it can indeed be a versatile weapon $\endgroup$
    – Kepotx
    Jun 25, 2020 at 8:48
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    $\begingroup$ You can find some handy weapons in the kitchen area, that are short enough to use inside a wardrobe. It's called cutlery for a reason! $\endgroup$ Jun 25, 2020 at 12:59
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Go to the magazine area. There will be tools there, including forklifts to reach the higher shelves. Clear some of these higher shelves during the day, build the furniture you want and bring food from the restaurant. Create ropes made out of bedsheets and the like to be able to climb up and down, and remove the access point when you are up there. Steal all keys from all forklifts in the area to make sure no one else uses them. You can use pieces of IKEA equipment to make railings so you don't fall off and also to ward off employees that try to climb higher.

More materials can be gained from the assembly center where employees combine orders. They have access to rope, large amounts of wrapping plastic, electric tools like drills and basic screwdrivers and such tools available to them.

As time passes, you are likely able to clear neighbouring stacks and push them closer, creating a larger surface area to live in. It's pretty safe, you can build furniture to live there, it can be expanded, throwing large pieces of wood, fire extinguishers and other somewhat heavy objects would deal with any employees that might find you and try to push the stack over, which is going to take a lot of employees.

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  • $\begingroup$ This is a really good idea. $\endgroup$
    – Daron
    Jun 25, 2020 at 9:20
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    $\begingroup$ I never checked, are the keys usually stuck in the forklifts? Or would you have to raid some staff room first? $\endgroup$
    – findusl
    Jun 25, 2020 at 13:01
  • $\begingroup$ @findusl I think it depends on the place and what it was used for. Where I go to the IKEA the forklifts have the keys removed when they are stalled away. But during their operation the employees usually leave the keys in so other staff members can drive them away if they need it. But you make a good point: try and find the locked away keys might be useful even though these employees dont seem to be overtly intelligent or coordinated. $\endgroup$
    – Demigan
    Jun 25, 2020 at 16:44
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Spend the day examining the vicinity (the particular part of the infinite store that you find yourself) to find where the manager of this part of the store spends most of his working time and where the keys are. If this takes a long time take refuge behind some heavy furniture with some knives. When the keys have been located steal them. Use a lift as a safer hideaway. Put a mattress and food in it use the keys to fiddle around to power it down, disable the doors or park it between levels.

Ultimately use the keys to identify some lockable back room offices and use those as a base.

Another potential hideaway would be the warehouse – find a sparsely filled high bay area with an empty stack, find a ladder and build a refuge up there. You should be able find some tools and could assemble a hideaway out of flat-pack furniture tree house style. Pull the ladder up after you and keep a supply of knives and projectiles. falling glass jars, cacti or big heavy tins should deter most staff if they discover you.

(Assuming the infinite store is an endlessly repeating series of more traditional stores and includes back rooms, lifts and warehouse areas as well as the sales floor area displaying the goods).

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    $\begingroup$ Pardon?... Where the manager lives? Once you enter the store, you're trapped in the store. That's the whole point. $\endgroup$
    – T.J.L.
    Jun 25, 2020 at 12:36
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    $\begingroup$ I assume the manager has an office, or there are certain areas of the store normally off limits to customers for security and such like. That's what I meant - when I said "lives" where the manager hangs out at work $\endgroup$
    – Slarty
    Jun 25, 2020 at 13:45
  • $\begingroup$ Of course that's what you meant... in the near vicinity of the store. $\endgroup$
    – T.J.L.
    Jun 25, 2020 at 13:48
  • $\begingroup$ Well I assume his office and the security area and what have you are in the actual store. However I'm at a slight disadvantage in not having actually been into the restricted areas of an Ikea store nor in knowing the intricacies of how a more traditional Ikea would vary from the SCP-3008 variant or exactly what might or might not be included in these types of "stores"? Lifts? Kitchens? cafes? warehouses? carparks? $\endgroup$
    – Slarty
    Jun 25, 2020 at 14:02
  • $\begingroup$ @T.J.L. "examining the near vicinity of the store" can mean around you in the store. It doesn't have to mean outside of the store. Or at least that's how I took it. $\endgroup$ Jun 25, 2020 at 18:31
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Just disguise yourself as the enemy, and they won't bother you! Rafael in El Crimen Perfecto lives in the store (as an employee), so if they think you're one of them, you'll be all right.

You can take an IKEA uniform from the closed areas. (look for a changing room)

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  • $\begingroup$ It seems pretty clear that the "staff" don't ever need to take their uniforms off. And perhaps can't. So there probably aren't any spare uniforms. $\endgroup$
    – jdunlop
    Jun 25, 2020 at 19:10

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