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So I asked this question a few days ago, with excellent and certainly useful feedback. I've decided I'd like to build upon that question with some ways to combat our 'new and improved super zombies'.

For the sake of this question, let's assume that ZB01 has successfully gone global, infecting people all over the world. We'll use these zombies except let's say that they don't burn out too quickly and succeed in occupying most of the world, leading to a full zombie apocalypse. Only pockets of humanity remain. Survivors face a war-torn zombie-infested world.


Our protagonist for the day is Ned. Ned is a survivor of ZB01 and travels with a group of ruffians in what used to be northern Texas. Ned has requested that you, his supplier, equip him in the most effective zombie killing weapon you can think of.

  • Ned needs to travel LIGHT and can't be weighed down by ammo or batteries.
  • Ned will be departing imminently on supply run that will last 2-5 months so his weapon must be durable enough to dispatch the undead for at least that long.
  • Ned's journey will likely put him in all sorts of zombie-fighting-venues including urban alleyways, rural pastures,and close quarters.
  • This is the so tech must be feasible with what we currently have.
  • You are only limited by your imagination. You've stockpiled resources and have access to most of what you might need.
  • Ned doesn't want to be lame, so he needs you to be as creative as possible in order to insure that all the other zombie slayers see him as 'hip' and 'fresh'.

  • What weapon do you give to Ned?
  • (If applicable) How is this weapon assembled?
  • What makes this weapon more effective than others for this scenario?

Notes:

I realize that this question is a bit opinion based; however, I'm confident that the answers could potentially be extremely beneficial to future askers.

If you answer this question, please be thorough. I'd really appreciate some in-depth perspective with insight that others may not have considered!

(Also, as always, feel free to let me know of any issues in the question and I will address them promptly)

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  • $\begingroup$ Comments are not for extended discussion; this conversation has been moved to chat. $\endgroup$ – Tim B May 14 '15 at 7:24
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    $\begingroup$ I think Ned could make do with this. Alternatively (or on top of), one of these. Ned can also hold this. I don't even know what that is. But if Ned can find it (or make it), it'll work well with his appearance. Or he could just do this. Can't see anything getting past Ned anymore. $\endgroup$ – blaizor May 14 '15 at 9:51
  • $\begingroup$ @blaizor your second link is broken. That or my computer just isn't wanting to pull up that image but all the other links work. $\endgroup$ – wposeyjr May 14 '15 at 12:50
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    $\begingroup$ Dr. Ned? Is that you? How's your brother Zed? $\endgroup$ – Fake Name May 14 '15 at 19:13
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    $\begingroup$ btw have you considered just taking Ned in a Iron Man suit? $\endgroup$ – Oak May 15 '15 at 17:13

32 Answers 32

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When is comes down to melee against zombies you won't want to be messing around with swords, katanas, knives, battle axes, or any other edged or spiked weapons. Edged weapons get stuck in things like bones. Everyone knows $^{[citation\ needed]}$ that to kill a zombie, you destroy the brain. Destroying the brain (or removing the head) require going through either the skull or the spinal column, those are made of bone.

enter image description here
$^{Source}$

So, to be blunt, you need a blunt weapon. It's the modern age, but what you need is some medieval tech. Like classical music, these weapons have stood the test of time.

A mace, or flanged mace, will allow significant brain bashing ability without the danger of having the weapon getting stuck in the bone. It demolishes the bones.

Ned will like this weapon. Ned SMASH.

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    $\begingroup$ This is actually true, mace was pretty much a super weapon historically until soldiers were equipped with metal helmets. (Before 1000BCE by few centuries...) So if the zombies are not smart enough to use helmets, a mace is probably the best muscle powered melee weapon. $\endgroup$ – Ville Niemi May 13 '15 at 17:00
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    $\begingroup$ @DJMethaneMan Do you think that smashing a zombies head in with a metal club won't spatter blood? $\endgroup$ – KSmarts May 13 '15 at 17:08
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    $\begingroup$ If you are going to bashing, why not a quarterstaff? $\endgroup$ – Fhnuzoag May 14 '15 at 9:29
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    $\begingroup$ @Fhnuzoag: Just what I was thinking. A quarterstaff with weighted/reinforced tips would allow for massive swings thanks to the momentum; hopefully enough to even the odds against super-star zombies. The additional reach is also appreciable. $\endgroup$ – Matthieu M. May 14 '15 at 15:10
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    $\begingroup$ @gbjbaanb For all the different varieties of zombies that there are, I don't know of any that aren't killed by destroying the brain. If you crush the skull, you will do that. $\endgroup$ – KSmarts May 15 '15 at 17:16
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Ok, so you're facing strong, fast, intelligent zombies with one overriding drive: to feed.

The hunger consumes them. It is more important to them than life itself. Given the choice between feeding and defending themselves they will always, always choose feeding.

Which makes our most powerful weapon obvious.

Snacks

Snacks

Running from a tireless horde intent on stripping the flesh from your bones? Scatter a bag of peanuts behind you and flee to safety while they scrabble at the ground for them.

Trying to clear a building of zombies? Scatter pringles on the ground in the killing zone. Draw them in then club them over the head while they dig amongst the corpses for shredded crisps.

Bread Maker

Your enemy will be smart, they'll be able to see the trap and if the temptation isn't enough they'll use their brains to kill you for your delicious flesh so it's essential that our heros overwhelm their minds with the smell of fresh baked bread permeating the battlefield which will cause the hunger crazed beasts to abandon their fortifications to run blindly towards the promise of FOOD. A bread maker is more important than a flame thrower because you need to rob your enemy of the ability to think.

bread maker

Poison

Finally. Your last weapon. These things are smart, they're fast, they're strong and motivated but they're still human-ish and they care more about eating than living. They're humans infected with ZB01. They can still bleed. So poison. Lots of poison. Poison all the snacks you intend to throw at them.

Poison

Meanwhile it's important that you do whatever you can to not look like food. We can assume that the zombies aren't eating each others legs because they look too diseased/sickly to each other to trip the "food" feeling while pink fleshy non infected humans look like an all you can eat buffet.

It's important to bring things that you can coat on your skin that will mask the delicious smell of uninfected humans.

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    $\begingroup$ -1 Too much realism for a question about zombies... zombies don't need to eat ;-) ... or something like that :+ $\endgroup$ – David Mulder May 13 '15 at 19:18
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    $\begingroup$ @Samuel Except that's a hunger for blood... human blood I guess based on the context of zombies. Has nothing to do with snacks or bread. $\endgroup$ – David Mulder May 13 '15 at 21:58
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    $\begingroup$ @Samuel Fair enough, then I guess it's a bit of a poor answer as the question specified that they hungered for human flesh like "stereotypical zombies". Preferring snacks over humans as this answer describes is not the kind of hunger that fits "stereotypical zombies". $\endgroup$ – David Mulder May 13 '15 at 22:11
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    $\begingroup$ Where do you plug the bread maker in on a 5-month scouting mission? $\endgroup$ – ckersch May 14 '15 at 16:13
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    $\begingroup$ I just have to know, did you intend this to be an actual answer, or were you just trolling and somehow everyone upvoted? XD $\endgroup$ – Michael May 14 '15 at 17:07
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I'd go for a highly automated system that Ned can bring ten or twenty of. Something like a bunch of these:

enter image description here

This is, of course, assuming that only humans can carry and become infected with the zombie virus. (If all animals can become zombies, they all will, and we'll be screwed.) Dogs are effective, trainable weapons that should easily be able to pull down and dismember an unarmed human, which is basically what zombies are to all life forms that they can't infect. Dogs can move fast and fight in groups, even without Ned around, so he can mostly stand back and run away from the zombies while his dogs keep them off him and rip them apart.

Ned will, of course, want something to finish off a downed zombie. While the standard choice is a club or axe, I'd go with something that he can stay a bit further from the zombies with, like a spear. With his pack of dogs to defend him, Ned doesn't have to worry as much about the speed with which he can down a zombie, so a slower but safer method of dispatching them would be preferable. He'll want to make sure that there's some sort of cross arm on his spear so the zombies can't crawl up it if they're not quite dead. A spear with a cross bar would keep the zombies pinned down with the chompy bits a safe distance from Ned while his dogs finish pulling off their limbs.

Dogs also have other benefits. They can carry Ned's gear around for him, keeping him nice and light in case he needs to run, they can smell zombies well before Ned can see them, and they can help hunt. Unlike something like a club, dogs are also effective at defending from hostile wildlife like wolves or angry rednecks.

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    $\begingroup$ Nice, but can dogs live off zombie flesh? $\endgroup$ – Chris H May 13 '15 at 19:38
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    $\begingroup$ I'm not sure, but I don't imagine they'd have to. In the wake of a zombie apocalypse, abandoned homes and stores should have enough salvageable human and pet food to feed a group of dogs. Plus, depending on how long post-apocalypse this is, there will be an assortment of other creatures (such as feral cats, dogs, and rats) that can be hunted for food. $\endgroup$ – ckersch May 13 '15 at 19:48
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    $\begingroup$ If a dog is killed with your gear on it, what would be the alternative to carrying around that extra weight with -1 party? I imagine the time it would take to find and train another dog would be very time consuming? $\endgroup$ – user9584 May 13 '15 at 22:11
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    $\begingroup$ @DavidEugenePeterson, consider the alternative: no dogs, no extra carrying capacity, and much less of a margin of survival. If one dog dies, then you redistribute the loads, and decide whether to carry heavier packs or go without something. You should, of course, have a couple of spares of vital items, so that you can trade or lose one and not be completely screwed. After all, you've got all that extra carrying capacity. $\endgroup$ – PotatoEngineer May 14 '15 at 2:43
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    $\begingroup$ Maybe a trident rather than a spear? Helps keep them further away...at the very least you want a cross haft on the spear. $\endgroup$ – Tim B May 14 '15 at 8:11
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A medium sized crowbar.

enter image description here

Not only will it be useful for bashing in heads, but it will help you wedge things like: nails, boarded buildings, doors, car trunks, car doors, garage doors, stubborn locks, staircase supports (preventing access to second floor of houses except ladder), military door jammers and survival necessities such as canned foods.

In fighting, the curvature of the crowbar is ideal for effortlessly reaching into the harder to reach parts of the brain such as the Motor Cortex to disable motor functions and the Broca's Area to silence a Zombie from making any noises from it mouth to attract others. Unlike sharp weapons which dull and blunt weapons which are more of a pray and smash, your blows can be a little more controlled and precise.

They require no sharpening and are easily found at just about every hardware store you are going to raid. If you are around a single zombie you can use the sharp end of the curve or flip it horizontally around for a less risk of getting stuck and use it for a blunt attack. If all else fails you can flip it vertically and use a stabbing motion.

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    $\begingroup$ Gordon Freeman approves. $\endgroup$ – Quentin May 14 '15 at 21:46
  • $\begingroup$ Ewww. You are going to use that thing to bash in a zombie head, then you are going to use the same tool on your canned food??? Poor David, he survived the first wave of zombies but succumbed to a can of zombie-brain-splattered peanuts. $\endgroup$ – Loduwijk May 1 '17 at 22:47
  • $\begingroup$ Your faulty logic is that you assume because I would use the same tool for two different purposes, no steps would be taken in-between those two tasks. Causation much? I'd use some bleach on it first found in the laundry room in the previous boarded up house in the laundry room. You know, that house that hasn't been looted yet because it is boarded up tighter than an X-mas present. Catch my drift? The same bleach I would carry around with me to filter water so it is drinkable. If I don't/cant find bleach looks like I'm finding an additional tool or popping out a tooth to open it if last resort. $\endgroup$ – user9584 May 3 '17 at 3:56
  • $\begingroup$ There's also two ends to a crowbar btw. I'm sure you could easily dispatch someone/something and open things up without ever having to use the straight end of a crowbar. Taping or stringing together a sleeve of grass with resin on the part that would come in contact with a can could be used to mask the blood/gut splatter from a blow with curved side. $\endgroup$ – user9584 May 3 '17 at 4:10
  • $\begingroup$ Don't take it too personal. My concern of using the same tool was genuine, but the manner in which I stated it was meant to be humorous. That's what you get for having me read the "Feed the zombies snacks" answer before I saw yours. Don't worry; if I had thought it was too bad an idea I would have down-voted, which I didn't. I would still be very leery of using the same tool for both though; I would err on the side of going hungry first, or bashing a can open with a rock and risking losing some. Still, the general idea of a multi-tool is indeed a good aim. $\endgroup$ – Loduwijk May 3 '17 at 13:54
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Ok, this will require for Ned a little bit of strategy and thinking as he will go on a 2-5 month adventure. I think during this period of time, not only the weapon itself is important, but also the proficency with it in order to survive, as there might be chances that Ned could lose his weapon. Also as Ned will face different kinds of situations regarding fighting with zombies, he may require some different kinds of weapons.

I'll choose one for middle long range, and one for melee, in order to keep Ned light.

1 - Long Range

Approximately this: enter image description here

Which is a modernized version of a repetition crossbow, known also as Chu-Ko-Nu in China.

  • It is light if made of wood, or alloy, depending on resources.
  • It does not make too much noise.
  • It can fire rapidly, as zombies often move in packs.
  • It can be made in way that you can easily craft ammo from wood (crossbow quarrel) or replace some parts.Or you can even take out the ammo from those brain eaters :)
  • You can add a laser pointer to be more precise.
  • Ned can or take some spare parts/or learn to make a basic crossbow from scratch, that way he could still use his crossbow training.

2 - Melee

In the same philosophy, I'd pick a Quarterstaff:

enter image description here

  • It is light, has a good range (which is good with several opponents) and has a strong crushing power.
  • It can be used from close to middle range (still good if Ned is taken by surprise).
  • Ned can also use it on humans without killing them instantly (if someone tell him that's lame :D ).
  • It can be upgraded with metal coating, or pointy things at the end, we can even imagine using some flammable liquid to use on one end of the staff if Ned is confident.
  • It can be easily crafted from nearly nothing, and Ned will still make a good use of it if he trained with the previous one.
  • It can be made shallow, for the whole part to make it lighter, or one part to hide things.

As for "lameness" I'm not sure what people would think about someone fighting with a laser repeating crossbow and a flaming quarterstaff, but I have my idea. :)

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    $\begingroup$ You'll need to use a heavier-than-normal repeating crossbow. Chu-ko-nu used poisoned bolts, because they didn't have enough power to simply kill someone outright. Putting a bolt through a zombie's skull is going to be tricky. So scale it up a bit, and it'll work marvelously - though a little more slowly. $\endgroup$ – PotatoEngineer May 16 '15 at 22:24
  • $\begingroup$ Agreed. What you are telling can be done quite easily with the current technology, choosing better materials according to mechanics of materials science. $\endgroup$ – esuna May 21 '15 at 8:53
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The problem with melee weapons is that it unacceptably increases the risk of infection. Letting the zombies get close to you just isn't a good idea.

Ranged weapons usually have ammo issues. But what about a sling?

enter image description here

The actual weapon itself is extremely light, leaving additional weight to carry some ammo. But if you sacrifice accuracy, a sling can use almost any sort of small rock. This would let you preserve your stored, better ammo for when you really need it.

Resupply is also very easy - just find a river or a home & craft store with rocks, and fill up.

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    $\begingroup$ This will certainly be effective at range, but close quarters combat with a sling will certainly be problematic. $\endgroup$ – wposeyjr May 13 '15 at 17:33
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    $\begingroup$ I would like to know if this could actually kill the zombies. Is it possible to kill a moving target with a sling at a range that would actually keep you safe if you missed the first time? And if so, what are the chances you would miss? I imagine reloading might take a bit too long. $\endgroup$ – DaaaahWhoosh May 13 '15 at 17:35
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    $\begingroup$ The problem with a sling is that they are surprisingly difficult to actually use effectively. Ned is leaving now, he doesn't have time to learn how to use a sling, so whether or not it actually would be effective (spoiler: I think it probably could be at range, but I doubt you'd be able to handle more than 3 or 4 coming at you) it's not going to be effective in this scenario. $\endgroup$ – Kromey May 13 '15 at 17:39
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    $\begingroup$ @DaaaahWhoosh - Trained slingers can throw off 10 rounds per minute at a range of 150 or so meters. Expertise and ideal situations can apparently see them fire 20 per minute and it's renowned as deadly accurate at 200m in the right hands. According to slinging.org, max range is around 450m and have a launch speed of around 250mph. For comparison, it's 2 ounce shot contains about as much energy as a 5oz baseball travelling at 100mph...I'd imagine a direct hit would concave a zombies skull. It's underrated...it will out preform bows up until the 14th century longbow and later composites. $\endgroup$ – Twelfth May 13 '15 at 19:14
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    $\begingroup$ @Twelfth While it's true that slings have been used to great effect and have an impressive track record in both warfare and hunting, there is one important reason why it was abandoned (well, two, but armor penetration is not an issue here); you can't train slingers, only recruit them. Using a sling effectively requires literally a lifetime of training. If Ned happens to have been a Middle-Eastern shepherd boy he's covered, but other than that he's not going to get much performance from a sling. $\endgroup$ – Mike L. May 13 '15 at 22:15
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As noted in the question, guns are out of the question due to an inability to carry ammo/batteries.

Anything with an edge has a chance of getting stuck in the target, so bladed weapons are out of the question.

Bats aren't hipster enough. Lets throw that out the window.

Maces are too heavy to lug around for 5 months, and Ned'll get tired after bashing in maybe 4 or 5 zombies heads in. Besides, given the chance that Ned has to fight in close quarters such as an alleyway, a mace is definitely too large and hard to maneuver - but this is a step in the right direction.

What about lighter and smaller bashing implements? Who said you need weight in order to crush skulls? After all, force = mass * acceleration. If we get rid of some mass and increase acceleration....

I would consider the following options:

  • A pair of titanium tonfas - Great for close quarters, flip them around and now you have longer range! They can be lightweight, and when used correctly, very fast and deadly.

  • With a bit of ninja training, some nunchucks would do the job. Fast, small, great for bashing in brains in close quarters when used correctly, while still having a fairly large attack range. Used effectively, he'll be able to indefinitely fend off attacks from the zombies via smacking away the grabby hands and legs of said zombies. (If you haven't seen the video of someone using nunchucks to play ping pong, I recommend watching it - imagine that, but every time someone throws a punch or tries to grab you, you smack that hand away)

  • Police issue telescopic batons

Personally, I'd equip him with the nunchucks.

In fact, lets give the nunchucks an upgrade! Lets add electricity to them, and make them shock targets on hit. We'll give Ned a pair of rubber gloves to use them with so he doesn't kill himself while using them. Now he can short out the muscle control of the attacking zombies with each hit! But he'll run out of batteries, you say? No he wont! Not if he uses the shakey-shakey-rechargey thingy that some flashlights use (I think it's a coil or something like that)! When he's fighting, it's charging! When he's not fighting.. well he can charge it by shaking it.

Ned gets to be the first zombie killing ninja scavenger! That's some seriously hipster shitaku going on over there.

Edit: Courtesy of KSmarts for this awesome idea. What about making Ned the first bat training zombie killer? Yes, the animal Bat.

What if Ned trained some Megabats for the job? Perhaps if he had a group of 10 or 20 or so of the largest of these bats trained (which can grow up to have 1.7m wingspans), he wouldn't have to fight. These bats just.. pick up the targets, fly up high and drop them like rocks. The fall should be more than enough to turn them to mush~

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    $\begingroup$ +1 for "bats aren't hipster enough". I actually spit out my milk. $\endgroup$ – wposeyjr May 13 '15 at 17:14
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    $\begingroup$ On first read, I thought you were considering the animals "bats" as a weapon. I'm not sure about the efficacy of such a method, but the other zombie slayers would surely be impressed. $\endgroup$ – KSmarts May 13 '15 at 17:23
  • $\begingroup$ @KSmarts that's actually a possible idea. I'll edit it in... for fun. $\endgroup$ – Aify May 13 '15 at 17:25
  • $\begingroup$ The problem with nunchucks is that they require a lot of training before you reach the point of being able to reliably avoid clobbering yourself with them. $\endgroup$ – Mark May 13 '15 at 22:01
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    $\begingroup$ SMASH ... Son, is this here your bat? Do you know how hard it is to replace a window during an apocalypse? $\endgroup$ – user243 May 14 '15 at 20:22
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You want to keep these zombies far away, if they have all the abilities of a human.

So, ever heard of Jai alai?

enter image description here

The Basque Government promotes jai alai as "the fastest sport in the world" because of the ball speed. The sport once held the world record for ball speed with a 125–140 g ball covered with goatskin that traveled at 302 km/h (188 mph)

Being struck to the head with a ball that fast is a guaranteed kill, and finding something to chuck shouldn't be hard no matter the situation.

But what about melee?

Well how about we make the cesta (the thing you are using to chuck stuff) from titanium, and use ion milling to sharpen the end of the thing into something that can slice bone like it's butter? It would be a khopesh at melee encounters, and a slingshot on steroids for ranged combat. Titanium is very light, and the ammo you would need is light (125–140 g), common, and best of all, reusable.

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  • $\begingroup$ Just a side note, but badminton is the fastest racquet sport in the world with shuttles reaching speeds of up to 332 km/h (206 mph) (faster than the speed of the Eurostar train). $\endgroup$ – Pål GD May 14 '15 at 13:46
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    $\begingroup$ Hence "once held" :) That's why it's "The Basque Government promotes" as opposed to "It is actually" :) $\endgroup$ – Robert Grant May 16 '15 at 11:56
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The most effective long-lasting weapon is one you can put together yourself.

Which is why I would like to suggest the humble Sock-Brick.

Sock & Brick

You're going to need to raid a shopping mall or clothing outlet for socks - should be easy since socks aren't high on the survival guide's most-wanted list. Strong socks are the best, so go for the tight-knit ones, or long winter stockings.

The accompanying brick should be easy enough to find in a dilapidated post-apocalyptic world. Just search for any broken-down building or construction site. In a pinch, any heavy object will do, even a common stone.

Then just tie the sock shut and swing it at offending zombies. Prepare a few in advance in case one tears. Keep extra socks in your supplies for this specific purpose.

And as an added bonus - you can also wear the socks.

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  • $\begingroup$ BWAHAHAHAHA just imagine the picture of Ned, the hardcore apocalypsesurvivor, spinning around pokemonsock. So nice, made my day! $\endgroup$ – Sempie Aug 4 '15 at 10:53
  • $\begingroup$ "Sock it to em!" - no? ok, I won't make any more puns $\endgroup$ – Baldrickk Jun 14 '17 at 12:33
  • $\begingroup$ You could also “double-sock” the brick, using two or more socks to protect against tears. $\endgroup$ – J F Jun 14 '17 at 19:44
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Ned drives a tank.

The important point in fighting zombies is personal defense. With a melee weapon at some point you will get unlucky or tired and be caught unawares and so will be dead. So, take no chances.

Modern tanks like the Abrams are much better than the WWII tanks most people picture. The Abrams is set for NBC protection, for example. It also has a range of 300 miles. If you need to go further, the Abrams is multi-fuel. In other words, it would run off diesel, petrol, or even jet fuel.

What about close quarters? Well you could simply run your tank through the wall. Otherwise, note that the tank is noisy - thus it should draw out all of the zombies that are currently in hiding around the neighbourhood into one big crowd, that you can then happily crush with your treads. Leaving you to explore in safety.

Of course this is traveling light, I mean, it's not like he's carrying the tank. :)

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    $\begingroup$ I'm pretty sure a tank can't run 2-5 months without being resupplied. Even if it can run on a variety of fuels, you have no guarantee of finding any. $\endgroup$ – KSmarts May 14 '15 at 14:14
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    $\begingroup$ You aren't gonna be carrying 2-5 months of food with you on foot, either, so resupply will always be a requirement. With a vehicle you can carry a larger amount of food and have a greater range for scavenging, with the flipside of having to get fuel. Depending on how the apocalypse happened, low grade fuel like aviation fuel might be plentiful so this could be a good trade-off. $\endgroup$ – Fhnuzoag May 14 '15 at 14:26
  • $\begingroup$ and on foot there is a good chance you can go over/through places that a tank certainly can not. such as steep cliffs or a dense jungle. So naturally speaking, if yo were in a tank, (since there not the fastest things in the world) your journey would be much longer than 2-5 months. $\endgroup$ – X-27 May 16 '15 at 12:40
  • $\begingroup$ The set of journeys that you can cover on foot faster than in a vehicle is really really small. Especially with a tank that can push through/run over any roadblock. Maybe if we were talking an Everest expedition, or going through the Amazon rainforest. But that's kinda specific. $\endgroup$ – Fhnuzoag May 17 '15 at 10:58
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Mosquitoes.

The same technology that produced ZB101 also provides a kill switch or disease that disrupts the bizzare metabolism.

He can breed the counter-infectious agent or zombie disease, using means as elaborate or simpke as needed, but elaborate enough that it doesn't just spread (well enough) naturally.

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  • $\begingroup$ Fight biology with biology -- I love this approach to dealing with zombie problems ;) $\endgroup$ – Shalvenay May 14 '15 at 0:45
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Autonomous Quadcopter Laser Drones

the drones, the drones, the never-ending drones

Since we're going with using currently-available technology, get a swarm of quadcopter drones and solar panels to recharge them.

Equip each drone with a high-power laser and a camera.

Use the drones' noise to attract/distract zombies, and the lasers to blind them (thanks @DaaaahWhoosh for the idea). You can even leverage @Murphy's answer; attach some raw meat to a drone and use the scent to lure zombies wherever you want them...like off a cliff.

Use them to scout an area before going there in person. If you scout an area and find zombies, move on. Or draw them out with the drones without ever exposing yourself to danger.

Land them on tree branches around your camp at night, and use them as motion sensing guard dogs for sound sleeping.

If you can, equip some of the drones with IR and UV cameras and other sensors so they can see/detect zombies through walls and foliage.

All of the drones' abilities are non-lethal, so you can use them on angry hillbillies just as freely as on zombies, and you won't anger any zombie-huggers.

You can use them to find game, spotting animal herds from above and then blinding a few members of the herd to make them easy prey.

Drawbacks

The biggest drawback is the weight of carrying around the required support equipment:

  • Spare batteries (most drones have short flight times; swapping batteries gets them back in the air quickly)
  • Spare parts
  • Solar panels + charging station
  • Tools to modify and repair drones
  • Protective goggles (for the lasers, to keep from accidentally blinding yourself)
  • laptop and/or smartphone to control drones, and to reprogram them as needed

You can either use some sort of pack animal (or robot), or travel slowly. A pack animal seems like the best and most reasonable solution.

The other big drawback is relying on weather. You'll need sunlight to recharge batteries. Your drones will need to be rain-proof and wind-resistant. Your laptop and/or smartphone will need to be waterproof and rugged, as will your charging equipment and carrying cases. You'll want enough spare batteries that you can hole up for a week in bad weather - no expeditions, just making sure no zombies catch you with your pants down. Unless you're in Forks, Washington, or your trip is in the winter or local rainy season, this should be manageable.

Last Resort

As a last resort in worst-case situations, carry a pistol and no more than 2 clips. If you do it right, you'll never need to use it because you'll never be physically near a zombie.

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    $\begingroup$ A friend suggested dumping your own blood (or anything that'll make the target smell like tasty, tasty flesh) on some of the zombies to turn them on each other. Drones would be really useful for this, as again you'd never be anywhere near zombies in person. $\endgroup$ – Martin Carney May 14 '15 at 22:43
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    $\begingroup$ Totally ignores some of the very clear rules but +1 for creativity! X) $\endgroup$ – wposeyjr May 14 '15 at 23:32
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    $\begingroup$ @wposeyjr If he wants to travel light, Ned could take one small drone with camera only for scouting, and a smallish solar charger. In addition to more normal zombie-fighting weapons, of course. $\endgroup$ – Martin Carney May 15 '15 at 1:41
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enter image description here

How about taking something like say a uhaul truck and converting it into a wood gas powered vehicle (this is assuming that wood is a relatively plentiful resource). Give it bullet proof glass or a metal grate over the windows. Possibly give it solar panels and a battery as a secondary fuel source.

With two abundant fuel sources you could keep the thing out and about without much issue. Gives you plenty of extra space for carrying stuff, you could stay inside it for most of the trip between locations, and honestly there are many ideas out there for weaponizing vehicles (I'll let others fill in this part, though I'll add that the wood gas can be turned into a makeshift torch/flamethrower, though I'd avoid this since you don't want to start a forest fire with you in the middle).

Combine this with the idea from @Martin Carney with it as a home base/charging point for the drones, and you could really have something.

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Bank truck

The first thing i would steal if a zombie apocalipse broke out is an armored bank truck. No, i am not interested in the money, because that would have no value without a functioning government. But an armored truck runs on regular diesel and has almost the same range as a normal truck, while being armored enough to resist most attacks. Attach fuel tanks on the cargo compartment and this range can be extended furter. Make holes and you can fire from the inside. Ned can sleep inside the armored truck if needed and have no worries about being robbed by other survivors. A truck is not the most silent thing around but its not too loud either. And zombies wont be able to break it. The only danger is a bunch of zombies trying to flip it over, this can avoided by being constantly on the run. It is better than a tank because their mechanical parts are usually shared with common trucks and might be scavenged from repair shops etc. If you get an older model with a non-eletronic engine, you can run it even without electricity. Diesels can be repaired easily by skilled people.

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    $\begingroup$ and what about the fuel? $\endgroup$ – X-27 May 15 '15 at 22:08
  • $\begingroup$ Diesel lasts a long time if left alone, all you need to do is drain the water that accumulates on the lower part of the fuel tank. Diesel pumps are available from abandoned fuel stations. Its not hard to find diesel if most other people turned zombies. $\endgroup$ – Jorge Aldo May 16 '15 at 2:16
  • $\begingroup$ True, but your talking about a zombie apocalypse, your goal is to survive for as long as you can before you are eaten, killed, -or worse- you become a zombie yourself. If your going to spend the rest of your life on the run, eventually you will drive up to an abandoned gas station that another survivor has already drained, and Since your tank is pretty empty already, and you certainly don't have enough diesel left to get to the next station, your only option is to push your truck, or steal another with a fuller tank. Pushing an armored truck would be slow and leave you quite vulnerable. $\endgroup$ – X-27 May 16 '15 at 12:36
  • $\begingroup$ That depends on how much time you believe zombies themselves would survive without people left to infect. $\endgroup$ – Jorge Aldo May 16 '15 at 12:45
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    $\begingroup$ Good! Many have gun slots I believe. Install a wood/foliage powered fuel system and you're good to go for a looooong time. $\endgroup$ – Josiah May 16 '15 at 18:22
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I like to tackle all questions with a step by step aproach. This time I'll start with the requirements:

Weight

Ned Needs to travel light, while having room for both the weapons, tools and food supplies. This means that his weapons should preferably be made out of lightweight materials.

Size

What is heavier, a 1 Kg box of cotton or a 1 Kg small lead sphere? They both weight the same of course! But what would you rather carry with you around? A gigantic bag of cotton or a sphere that you can fit in your pocket? The awnser is obvious. What Ned needs is a weapon and gear suited for concentrated power.

Defense

Weapons do not need to be just for offense, nor clothes need to be just for cozyness. Ned may be able to fend off one, two, maybe even five zombies at a time. But what happens when he's cornered? He might have to take a few hits, and as such his gear must allow for bite and scratch protection

Repeatability

Guns fire a finite ammount of rounds depending on how many bullets you're carrying. Swords will slash an infinite ammount of times, depending on how much energy you have. But what will happen is that if the melee weapon gets stuck or the ranged weapon jams, you're screwed. Ned needs a weapon that doesn't jam, run out of ammo (or has salvageable ammo) and doesn't get stuck.

So, what are the options?

  • Swords
  • Knives & Daggers
  • Blunt round objects (like Baseball Bats or Pipes)
  • Blunt Flat objects (like a sledgehammer)
  • Tools (Screwdrivers, Hammers, Wrenches)
  • Powertools (Chainsaw goes here)
  • Magazine Pistols (Such as the Glock)
  • Round Pistols (Such as the Magnum)
  • Assault Rifles (Such as the M4A1)
  • Sub Machineguns (Such as the Tec 9)
  • Rifles (Such as the Springfield Rifle)
  • Shotguns (Such as the Winchester)
  • Bows
  • Crossbows
  • Throwing Knives / Axes
  • Flamethrower
  • Grenade Launcher
  • Farm Tools (Hoes, Shovels)
  • Knuckles
  • Bladed Knuckles (A la Wolverine[ish] )
  • Spiked Knuckles (A la Knuckles, from Sonic)
  • Bladed or Spiked Armguards
  • Horned Helmets
  • Spiked Kneepads
  • Bladed Leggings
  • Spiked/bladed Footwear
  • Shuriken, Kunais
  • Hidden Blades (A la Assassin's Creed)

Well, those are a lot of options, most aren't reliable though. Powertools are loud and you want stealth. Sledgehammers, Axes and the like are heavy and sometimes unreliable. Blades and Spikes may get stuck, but blunt weapons may not always work. Ned also needs range. Dealing with Zeds from a distance is better than from a close range, but he should have better ways to finish Zombies at a close range. But now, for the fun part!

Weapons in Clothing

Handling different objects may hurt someone's skin. Ned isn't different, he can get hurt by just messing with things around, so he should probabbly be wearing gloves. It is possible that he has to fight at a very close range, and he might be forced to use his fists to fend off a walker. Having a spiked glove can increase the effectiveness of his punches.

He should be wearing something that makes walking for hours not such a bad thing, and cozy boots are the way to go. I would recommend having a spike on the tip of the boots just in case, however it would be harder to climb ledges with it and as such the boots should just be sturdy and cozy.

The natural reaction when someone's attacking you is to protect your body with your arms. Having an armguard is key here. Jaws' jumping at you? Block it with your arm and they'll be biting what they can't chew. For added "swag", include an Hidden blade in one of the armguards, once again, for that close range last second save

And finally, the weapons

A Modified Crossbow is the ranged weapon of choice. Always. Easier to aim than the bow with the only drawback being slowish reload. But this is where the modification would fall into. A crossbow shoots a bolt that is usually placed by the shooter. Replace that by a magazine with several bolts, while having the crossbow having it's string replaced by a pump-action reloader. This way not only you can shoot more than one bolt without reloading, but reloading will solely consist on changing magazines. Bolts are recoverable from targets and can be placed in the magazine after usage. Bolts are also crafetable if any are lost.

A modified Katana. Broadswords are usually larger (and thus heavier), Katanas are also known to be sharp (more on that next) and can cut through bodies. This is the weapon of choice against small groups as it has some range and ease. This katana can be modified into a GunBlade, which means that it can also shoot one or two pellets from its hilt.

or

A Bo Staff. Weighs almost as much as the Katana, but it has two blades and a larger armguard, which can also be used to block creeps. In Panic, it can be thrown as a Spear (to change to a short range weapon)

and

A small round shield. This shield should be on the opposite arm (not being held by hand) of the hidden blade, and be solely used as a gap creator. Are they too close? Bash one with the shield to gain a second while you can fend of the remaining.

In Conclusion

A Pump Action Magazine Crossbow for long range takedowns A Gun-Blade or a Bo-Staff for hand to hand fights A shield to bash Zeds away An Hidden Blade for Last second saves Spiked Gloves for the same reason as above All Blades, Shield and other protective items would be made out of this

Some Images (They are incredibly big, hence why the links

Gun Blade

Armguard with Hidden Blade

Spiked Gloves

Magazine Repeating Crossbow

Arm Shield

Dual Bladed Staff / Combat Bo Staff

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  • $\begingroup$ I submitted this awnser by accident while I was still building it, please bare with me while I'm editing $\endgroup$ – Oak May 14 '15 at 22:42
  • $\begingroup$ Alright, it's finished now $\endgroup$ – Oak May 14 '15 at 23:46
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    $\begingroup$ I guess you were going for "Guns fire an finite ammount of rounds" instead of "infinite"? $\endgroup$ – Ghanima May 15 '15 at 21:40
  • $\begingroup$ You may also want to look into the possibility of a Metal Storm gun as the base for your gunblade. They are shell-less, electrically fired guns that you could put up to 4 rounds per barrel (assuming you had the length to do so) and fire them one at a time or all at once. $\endgroup$ – HadesHerald May 16 '15 at 19:02
  • $\begingroup$ Katanas are actually no lighter than western swords. Sharpness is not an asset for long term use - sharp means there is less material on the edge, so the blade is fragile. Military weapons were actually very slightly blunted. $\endgroup$ – Fhnuzoag May 17 '15 at 11:03
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The Gladiator

Zombies are not tool users, as such, they're capable of only melee combat. For the style factor, a gladiator type loadout might help with the style factor.

A spear is relatively light-weight, at least it should cause no problem for a fit post-apocalypse survivor, and provides the safety of keeping your enemy at a distance. This prevents bites and grappling, while offering efficient killing potential. A simple metal blade is neither terribly difficult to forge, nor to maintain, and difficult to break. The shaft of the staff may be more fragile, but is easily replaced and can also be replaced with materials stronger than wood for better durability (albeit likely more weight unless you use a lighter metal).

A dagger or large knife honestly is likely already commonplace on nearly every survivor as it is useful as an emergency weapon in close quarters, and as a tool. This adds very little to the overall weight of the kit, and provides a means by which to create a new spear shaft from available wood if necessary.

A short blade of some type allows Ned to continue to defend himself in tight quarters or in the event of a broken spear, while also not adding too much to weight. Again, a simple blade is easy to craft, easy to maintain, and durable. Optionally replace with a handaxe for an additional multi-purpose tool/weapon.

Flint and steel allow fire starting which doesn't really need explaining, everyone understands the plethora of uses of fire from cooking to light sources to distractions and more.

Despite the heat, a double-layer of some light but sturdy material. This should hopefully prevent any stray bites or scratches from breaking the skin and infecting the bloodstream. If not full body then at least in key locations (forearms, upper arms, gloves, neck, and legs). This could be a layer of leather, or even things like normal clothes wrapped with reinforcing layers of duct tape. The goal here isn't to make armor, only to prevent the skin being broken, this should still be a fairly light-weight solution.

I had initially considered a cape or cloak of some sort, which could also be quickly bundled around an arm to block or deflect, but honestly it would provide too much purchase to grasping zombo's.

Obligatory bundle of rope. Every good adventurer needs one for escapes, shelters, prisoners and more.

Thus our leather or duct-tape clad gladiator can face the infested hordes and build his glory. (While still being light weight enough to hopefully outrun any hungry foes should their numbers prove too great).

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  • $\begingroup$ After reading Samuel's post I'd have to agree that a mace would definitely beat out a blade as the melee weapon. RIP my answer =P $\endgroup$ – Michael May 13 '15 at 17:04
  • $\begingroup$ On the other hand, I do agree that a spear (or other "reach" weapon) makes a heck of a lot of sense. $\endgroup$ – Allen Gould May 14 '15 at 16:55
  • $\begingroup$ A spear would have to come with a cross guard at the top - otherwise zombie will walk down it King Arthur style to eat your head. $\endgroup$ – gbjbaanb May 15 '15 at 10:35
  • $\begingroup$ Idk about that, even without feeling pain I can't imagine it's the easiest thing to force a spear further into your body with little to no leverage. I have no experience attempting to do so personally, surprisingly, so I don't know for sure. It seems to me, though, that it would be fairly easy to control a creature once it's impaled. $\endgroup$ – Michael May 15 '15 at 13:00
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Pitchfork, a fairly common and reasonably light device, great for keeping folks away while doing damage. And unlike an ax there not much of chance of it getting stuck. Finally it has that nostalgic, traditional feel to it as people've using them to fight monsters since forever, but you don't usually see them in movies and such, so a bit of a forgotten charm.

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Requirements: Easy to use, does not wear out, powerful enough to quickly drop a zombie. As it is about survival, and you do not know what the circumstances will be, better have several. Both ranged and melee, just to be sure you can always defend yourself.

Ranged primary: Crossbow for the first two weeks until you loose it the predecessor of the gun will make your life easy. Comparatively.

Ranged backup: Slingshot, carry in your pocket always, pick up ammo from the ground.

Secondary ("left") hand: Katar. Deadly cutting edge. The basic attack is a direct thrust identical to a punch.

Or: Trench knife

Primary ("right") hand: Cutlass; sailors casual fighting choice, and for good reason.

For some, using both hands: Plain shovel. WW I proved this concept beyond any doubt.

Best of all: (purely defensive) Hook ladder. Live another day. Not a weapon, though. Carry on back to have some protection.

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    $\begingroup$ I like the idea of multiple weapons. One size does not fit every occasion. Proficiency with multiple weapons definitely increases the badass factor the asker is looking for. Sort of like Indiana Jones putting away the whip and pulling out the revolver. $\endgroup$ – user1975 May 14 '15 at 4:37
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    $\begingroup$ Such an arsenal but no polearms? $\endgroup$ – Kos May 14 '15 at 8:45
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    $\begingroup$ Pole-arms function well when holding a line or in a 1 to 1 situation. IMHO not versatile enough for the length and weight. $\endgroup$ – Bookeater May 14 '15 at 12:12
  • $\begingroup$ The cutlass was the sailors choice because there's not much room to go swinging sharp blades around on a rigged ship, hence a short cutting blade. Not a good choice for zombies where you want to be out of reach. A longer sword would be a better choice. $\endgroup$ – gbjbaanb May 15 '15 at 10:31
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Insects, such as flies :)

flies

What happens with every rotten corpse in our word? Maggots will eat it. Pretty fast, in good condition in 8 days, only skeleton remains (source - but its in czech language, i am pretty sure you can find with little google fu similiar source in english) and the "normal" time is about month, then there stay only bones with a little tendonitis. Flies start attacking even living body with injuries, but we have immune system which will try to take care, but zombie? :D

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    $\begingroup$ Keep in mind these zombies aren't actually dead - if you read the "We'll use these" they're actually basically just insane berserker humans. Insects would be good for traditional zombies, though. $\endgroup$ – Dan Smolinske May 15 '15 at 16:26
  • $\begingroup$ Some of those carrion beetles would be super useful too. $\endgroup$ – Josiah May 16 '15 at 18:14
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For sale: The Zombieliminator - Your ultimate zombie killing machine!

Guaranteed for life or your money back, this one-of-a-kind zombie-killer does the job of killing those pesky zombies for you!

Easily able to fit in the bed of your truck, just crawl inside our bullet-proof box when the zombies start coming, lock the door, smell delicious, and the Zombieliminator will take care of the rest!

With our would-be-patented-if-the-government-still-existed decapitator holes, when a zombie sticks their head or other appendage too far into one of these holes for a bite of your nummy flesh, a laser sensor is tripped that activates our commercial-strength self-reloading guillotine to chop it off, followed by our environmentally-friendly catch-and-release zombie-part-ejection system to avoid zombie-part buildup in your comfy zone.

With standard solar power recharging during the day, battery backup for up to 18 hours at night, and two manual crank generators should those fail, we have you covered!

But wait, there's more!!!

Buy before ZB02 and, for those times you need to be out and about, we'll throw in a utility belt with a spiked club, a rechargeable taser, and a samurai blade forged in the *Depths of Mordor...completely free of charge!

Don't miss out on this incredible deal!!!



*Our foundry's name

(Visit block 43 for complete details and pricing)

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The best zombie killing machine is the flamethrower. Even if the heat does not cook up their brains, the fire will destroy muscle tissue enough to stop it in place. A team of flamethrowers can clear a whole city square in matter of minutes.

Flamethrower

Edit:

The major advantage of flame throwers is that they use napalm. Napalm will burn continously and stick to the target, so the zombie will be charred while slowly trying to reach the person firing at him. Problem is, its hard to find napalm, and the pure gasoline that can be used as replacement will not stick to the target, it will drain to the lowest level. Thats not enough to cook a zombie with the ammount of fuel that a personal flamethrower carries. I will give another idea in another answer.

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    $\begingroup$ The only real problem with this is the fuel would be heavy, and resupply would be hard. I too think a flamethrower would be great for defense of a stronghold, or even clearing a city if you have enough support, but a long cross country journey would be hard. Plus you could start wild fires if traveling through dry areas, and that might have unintended consequences. $\endgroup$ – AndyD273 May 13 '15 at 18:22
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    $\begingroup$ I think more likely you're just going to end up with burning zombies chasing you down. They'd probably remain mobile for a few tens of seconds. $\endgroup$ – Samuel May 13 '15 at 18:22
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    $\begingroup$ There are traditional flamethrowers with 80 meters range, and non conventional ones with more than 200m range. With the usual zombie gait they will be charred before even coming close. $\endgroup$ – Jorge Aldo May 13 '15 at 19:28
  • $\begingroup$ @Samuel museum-mm.org/military-flamethrowers $\endgroup$ – Jorge Aldo May 13 '15 at 19:33
  • $\begingroup$ The issue with flamethrowers is that they use up fuel incredibly quickly. A group of people with flamethrowers would run out of ammo long before clearing a city. They're also heavy and relatively loud compared to something like a club or a bow. $\endgroup$ – ckersch May 13 '15 at 20:56
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I'm going to suggest 2 items, a spear type weapon (ie melee, no ammo requirements, and allows to keep a bit of distance) plus a disabling weapon such as a net, bolas or lasso.

Against a lot of zombies, you only really have 1 option - be like Brave Sir Robin and run away as fast as you can, but this applies to most scenarios with most equipment.

Against 1 zombie, get him tangled up in something so he's on the ground and not going anywhere or able to be much of a threat, and then you can walk up to him and stab him with your spear in the relevant places until he stops wriggling. (a machete or other short sword might be a good thing to include just for completeness).

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Flail. The problem with a staff/spear/mace is that they are long and stiff. You can make a flail out of a handle, chain, and any solid object which can be attached. The chain can be as stiff or light as you prefer, and as long as you can swing around effectively. It doesn't need to be chain. It can be a synthetic rope which resists twisting/abrasion and very lightweight and strong. The important point is that Ned will not have any reliable sources of external energy, so every zombie he kills will need to be done with human power.

A crossbow gives good range, but the ammo is expensive to find/make and you have to carry all of it. A long stick gives good defense, but is heavy and inflexible. A sling is a good ranged weapon, because it's light, but probably doesn't deliver enough force to kill a zombie. A flail gives some range (adjustable to arbitrarily short distances), is lighter than a staff/mace, and allows Ned to use as little or as much energy as he can deliver to dispatch a zombie.

Weak zombie? Short spin-up, quick pop. Tough zombie? Let the ball extend to the full range while you spin it up, even using both hands, and wallop the zombie with your full body's strength. If Ned can kill the zombie with his bare hands, he can kill it with the flail at some distance. If he can't, then no non-assistive weapon will save him.

If he wants to get really creative, he can use piano wire for the chain, and now the chain itself doubles as an edged weapon...if he spins it fast enough, he can decapitate or at least de-limb some zombies. For instance, he could sling the ball around a zombie's neck, which would swing around and form a noose. Then a quick jerk would effectively garrote the zombie.

I don't think anyone would call Ned a sissy after seeing him bashing and cutting down zombies with razor wire. The advantage of wire over an edged weapon is that it isn't sharp due to a cutting edge. It's merely sharp due to having a very small but stiff diameter, so it doesn't require sharpening. As long as it works as a wire, it works as a cutter. And Ned can choose a blunt-force or cutting blow by simply changing whether he hits his target with the ball or over-shoots it for a nice wrap-around.

If he has enough wire, he can also use it as a climbing aid by attaching a grappling hook to the end to replace the ball (or he can just rely on the ball to grapple around a pipe/branch). For instance, he might have a spool with a hand crank so he can hook high distances and do an assisted climb to safely hide in trees or buildings with broken-down staircases.

The weapon can be folded up into a very compact space, and the weight is determined primarily by how much mass he wants available to swing around. Lighter mass means he will need to swing a wider arc to deliver more force, so he will need something that is at least a few pounds, unless he relies primarily on the cutting effect. The weapon requires no ammunition and little maintenance. He could probably adapt it into a sling for ranged effect (and practicing with the weapon would probably give him skills transferable to a sling also).

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So, first of all I'd suggest a weapon that disorients the zombies. Make sure they are as easy to kill as possible, and in a way that is easy to keep doing for a long time (flashbangs run out pretty quickly). So for this, I'd suggest a laser pointer. Apparently, you can get a laser that blinds people permanently; in this case, all you need is temporary blindness, so I'm sure you could get a laser that runs for a pretty long time on normal batteries (so a pack of them should last you until the point where the zombies die out).

But lasers don't kill zombies. For this, I'd think you want to keep as much distance as possible. Samuel mentioned a mace; against one zombie, this might work, but against two or three I don't think you'd be able to hit everyone before they grabbed you, and once they get hands on you you're in a bad spot (if not dead outright, you're probably hurt or infected, not very sustainable). So here I'd agree with Michael and recommend a spear. Spears were used for thousands of years in wars as a great and perfectly safe way to kill someone who doesn't have a spear. They keep your foes far away, but can be easily adjusted to deal with close threats (just move your hands closer to the pointy end). With enough skill, Ned could stab at a zombie's head, killing it in a single thrust before switching to the next target, all the while staying a few feet from any danger.

Not only are spears useful, but they're also pretty simple in design. All Ned needs is a long stick with a pointy end. If he wants, the pointy end could just be a knife (like a bayonet) that he can remove whenever he needs to do knife things. The stick could be designed to fold up when not in use, which would let it fit easily in a backpack (this might be dangerous, as maintenance and strength would be an issue, but I'm sure with the right materials it would be strong and durable). Plus, this could allow Ned to carry multiple spears at once; he could throw a few early on, distribute them to other survivors, or have a backup if he ever gets disarmed. I should mention here that javelins are pretty effective ranged weapons (far more reliable than throwing knives or blunt melee weapons), so for single-zombie situations Ned could surely just unpack two spears, throw one, and have the second ready in case he missed.

So, in summary (TLDR), Ned should carry a series of folding spears with detachable knives and laser pointers on the end. He points the spear at the zombies to blind them, then thrusts to kill them. Funnily enough, the laser pointer could even help him aim.

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    $\begingroup$ an entire phalanx of laser pointer armed spartans..... $\endgroup$ – hownowbrowncow May 13 '15 at 20:30
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    $\begingroup$ Aw, all the laser pointers ran out of batteries. Now we're just normal spartans. $\endgroup$ – DoubleDouble May 14 '15 at 17:12
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Ned needs to be able to strike first. A polearm is perfect: it can stab, it can slice. It's got decent range.


A bullwhip is also a brilliant weapon: capable of removing guns, swinging over pits, trips up enemies, moves faster than sound. Indiana Jones really can do all that he did with his whip (see Mythbusters episode on the subject.) I'm not sure if adding a barbed tip would change the aerodynamics of the whip or not.

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Knife with scope and silencer

  • Lightweight
  • Durable
  • Modern

Its only drawback is that it's only for close-range combat, but if you use the silencer the zombies will not notice you.

Source

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  • $\begingroup$ Welcome to the site! Two points: 1) I don't understand what I'm looking at in the image. Could you provide a brief description? 2) Since you mention a silencer, I suspect this apparatus uses some manner of ammunition, which the OP did not want. $\endgroup$ – Frostfyre May 16 '15 at 18:23
  • $\begingroup$ It's a knife with a scope and a silencer, just that. One of the most ridiculous and useless weapons ever conceived. This answer isn't serious, but I just couldn't resist posting it. $\endgroup$ – noisypixy May 16 '15 at 18:34
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Post-Hole Digger

This is more of a long term solution for a semi-permanent encampment, but bear with me. Zombies are not particularly bright or dexterous, especially when they are chasing someone. In a circle around your camp, you basically make a minefield. Except instead of mines, you use a Post-Hole Digger to dig holes 2-3 feet deep in a random pattern with a foot or two of space between them. You can use cars/rubble to channel the zombies into gauntlets so you don't have to dig quite as many holes and can have a longer danger zone. Zombies stumble through breaking legs as they step in the holes, where a human can fairly quickly traverse (as long as there's light to see by).

You would probably need a club or some other device to finish off the zombies, but it will be a lot easier dealing with a zombie that has one or both legs broken, and pretty much any other weapon will do the trick.

Regular cleaning of the pit-field is highly recommended to prevent slower zombies from walking over the early victims. This solution does not take into account hordes of zombies, but if you are being chased by a half dozen or so, leading them through a trap like this could save your life.

It's been mentioned that in some ways this doesn't exactly fit the bill. So obviously the solution is to modify the device so that the two pieces can fairly easily be separated. Each person in the party carries half of one. Sharpen the blades and you have a spear (good for keeping zombies out of reach) when mobile, and the means to make your camp safer on stopovers. Having each person carry half of one provides redundancy if one of the party should get lost or killed.

Post Hole Digger

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  • $\begingroup$ The topic he linked described the zombies Ned's combating as intelligent as humans. Additionally, Ned's taking a journey, not setting up camp. $\endgroup$ – neph May 13 '15 at 19:04
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    $\begingroup$ This brings up some interesting points but is pretty far off topic in my opinion! $\endgroup$ – wposeyjr May 13 '15 at 19:05
  • $\begingroup$ Is that better? $\endgroup$ – aslum May 13 '15 at 19:26
  • $\begingroup$ I like it. But having done some fence, I can guarantee a good posthole digger isn't something you want to carry around all day, especially through brush. $\endgroup$ – Josiah May 16 '15 at 18:13
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Hamster-ball and Laser

Human hamster-balls are what you want.

  1. It keeps you from touching those cootie-filled Zombies.
  2. You can cross water.
  3. If they push you down a hill, you'll probably survive. (Wear lots of pillows.)
  4. You can fire a laser through the plastic to blind the Zombies.
  5. You can keep your supplies with you. No Zombie is getting my Pringles!
  6. You can make the ball of durable plastic like Lexan.
  7. Make sure that the release mechanism can't be operated from the outside when you are inside.
  8. You can sleep inside it.
  9. You can paint cool graffiti on it to look cool.
  10. If its big enough, you can bring a date.

Stairs are a problem in urban areas, though.

enter image description here

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    $\begingroup$ You know those are airtight, right? I mean you can sleep in them, but you can only sleep in them once, if you know what I mean. $\endgroup$ – Resonating May 16 '15 at 1:09
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    $\begingroup$ Brilliant idea to stay in overnight, though, if it had a flap to replenish air and the opposing side were just heavier enough to keep the window facing up. Just roll out on a lake, open the window and go to sleep :) $\endgroup$ – Robert Grant May 16 '15 at 12:02
  • $\begingroup$ Not hip or fresh man.. tsk.. tsk $\endgroup$ – Vince Scalia May 16 '15 at 23:22
  • $\begingroup$ Hardly sounds cool :p $\endgroup$ – Oak May 16 '15 at 23:27
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If Ned needs to defend himself in a stationary position, a setup similar to this could be useful.

Laser/Railgun

  • Can be automated
  • Can keep a large area clear
  • Does heavy damage
  • Infinite shooting capibilitys

Using lasers, you don't need to constantly be supplying more and more ammo, you only need a significant power source. This could be attained by using a large solar field, or using a cold fusion generator. Although we are only considering current-day technology and cold fusion doesn't exactly work yet, Ned needs this weapon to fight off zombies. I have not ever heard of anyone actually seeing a zombie outside of a horror movie, scream park, or haunted house. So, I'm assuming we can deviate from reality a little bit here.

You might be thinking, Zed can't stay in one place, he needs to be moving around. A laser-cannon / rail-gun permanently mounted in concrete will not work. There are portable lasers, although ones powerful enough to seriously hurt zombies would be very heavy, and use a lot of energy. so hand held laser weapons are out of the question.

Currently the only working rail guns that exist are quite large and are far from portable. (by working I mean have enough firepower to actually kill/stop a zombie attack.)

However, this gun will be designed for killing zombies so it doesn't need to be 100% realistic.

enter image description here

  • Has Very long range
  • Has Infinite firing propellent.
  • Will penetrate multiple targets.
  • Burst fire on one magazine. (for dealing with many targets spread out)
  • Can shoots rocks = Infinite ammo! (the world is full of rocks)

The main benefit of a rail-gun powered by cold fusion is that as long as you have something to fire: small rocks, nails, screws, (pretty much anything small and hard) you can never be defenseless, and you can defend yourself from quite a distance. Unlike coil-guns, rail-guns can fire non-magnetic projectiles. they do this by propelling a slider forward holding the projectile. when the slider stops, the projectile keeps going at incredibly high speeds.

Another bonus is that the magazine is spring loaded and can hold pretty much anything you can fit in it. when the gun fires, the slider fires forward on the rail, and once it releases the projectile, returns to the loading position, where the magazine will feed another round. As long as Ned can keep enough junk in the magazine, the gun will always be ready to fire, which is especially important in the case where zombie happens to sneak up on him.

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  • $\begingroup$ You've seriously missed the biggest requirement: Ned is going to be traveling for 2-5 months at a time. He will often be away from resupply, away from any generated power, and unable to carry the large batteries and/or capacitors that a military-grade laser requires. This is a great answer to a completely different question. $\endgroup$ – PotatoEngineer May 16 '15 at 22:34
  • $\begingroup$ The mounted laser cannon or rail gun could be surrounded by a solar field,generating the power needed to defend it. With a field like that, Ned has a place to sleep in safety (assuming the turret is automated) and has a place to re-charge his rail gun. If we are deviating form reality, a cold fusion generator is essentially a nuclear reactor, that doesn't generate excessive heat. this eliminates the need for a massive cooling system, allowing for mobility. $\endgroup$ – X-27 May 16 '15 at 22:38
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1: durable plastic tube with a grip bolted to the inside. strong enough to punch and break concrete and provides forearm protection.

2: rubber insulation and kinetic charger (through spinning) Electro Whip iron man style

3: napalm ~(diesel and polystyrene) kept in a safe location for the hoards of zombies.

4:fish line. create traps in doorways for quick escape without being followed to regroup.

5: grapple hook. Zombies cant climb, up up to the chimney tops.

6: Pheromones to confuse zombies.

7: nano bee army... because Shino is god.

8: face mask... if blood getting into your system is enough to turn you Zed protect your face.

9: Assuming gps is usable, that.

10: infra red vision, because look in the shop before you go get food

remember the aim isn't to kill the zombies, its to survive.. i prefer to go down swinging

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protected by DaaaahWhoosh Aug 6 '15 at 19:00

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