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My name is Adolf Palpatine, a kind and benevolent Buddhist monk on the path to enlightenment. I have figured out a way to game the system. By making a deal with a demon, I have gained the ability to transfer my soul to my offspring at the point of death. The transfer is automatic, and switches bodies between me and my son/daughter. They will be transferred to Naraka in my place and spend eternity in excruciating torment, without rest or respite,begging for mercy that will never come. Meanwhile, I will continue to give the middle finger to the karma system and continue on with my misdeeds.

My plan is to create as many offspring as possible. However, one on one situations are too slow and unreliable. I have decided to use sperm banks to spread my genetic material as far as possible to maximize effect. The problem is that sperm banks aren't widely used or prioritized by governments or individuals, and are seen as a last option case.

I have decided to engineer an infertility plague. This would affect enough people for sperm banks to be the first choice for millions of people. There are two problems: engineering this plague in a way that it affects the majority of the population in my country, and administering it to unsuspecting people far and wide enough that it would reach all corners. What would be the most efficient way to accomplish these goals?

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  • $\begingroup$ You could always do it by putting it in the country's water supply. A similar evil plot was discussed in "Inferno" by Dan Brown, though I doubt that's the most scientific-based source. $\endgroup$ – Nathan Hopp Jan 1 at 17:22
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    $\begingroup$ I'm not quite certain this 'Adolf Palpatine' fellow understands what a 'kind and benevolent Buddhist Monk' is. $\endgroup$ – Halfthawed Jan 1 at 18:59
  • $\begingroup$ I understand some redundancy, but less clear on why you need thousands of offspring. If your soul transfers to several (much less thousands)l, there will then be several copies of yourself and you will have to deal with you and you and also you and that redhead version of you. And no-one wants to do that least of all you because you are a malicious jerk and the redhead one is worst of all. $\endgroup$ – Willk Jan 1 at 18:59
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    $\begingroup$ (and on a little more reflection, this plan will end up with you being reincarnated into the results of your own foolish inbreeding, after a few generations. hope you like webbed feet...) $\endgroup$ – Starfish Prime Jan 1 at 21:18
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    $\begingroup$ The plan is flawed (duplicate from bvoyelr's answer - sorry)! Even if Adolf fills all the sperm banks with his seed and then destroys all other sperm sources through plague, he is in for a big surprise. Sure, the first soul transfer will work, because the recipient body is actually a son or daughter of the current body that first time. But after that, the recipient bodies will all be brothers or sisters of the current body and the spell (as it is currently written) doesn't work that way. Bye Bye Adolf-son... off you go to some well deserved torment. Couldn't happen to a kinder guy! $\endgroup$ – Henry Taylor Jan 13 at 16:55
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Government program.

Sperm banks are a luxury of the wealthy. You want to harness the reproductive power of the unwashed masses. You want to harness the efficiency of government actions.

  1. Start with a country where limits are placed on number of children. China has (or had) that. Other countries with high population growth might be induced to also adopt such policies.

  2. Special dispensation to allow second child is made if mother agrees to make child using government sperm back. The proffered reason: eugenics.

  3. Careful what you wish for. Many of your numerous progeny share your guile and wile and once reaching maturity, become aware of their shared Boys-From-Brazil type shared paternity. They join forces to track you down. Cornered, you realize your only hope is to kill yourself and take on the identity of one of your clones. But the cover for this group of your offspring is a Kpop group (they are actually quite good), and in your new incarnation you do not know the dance moves. The others incapacitate you and go to a hideaway to start renegotiating the deal.

The demon finds the whole situation hilarious and is also a big Kpop fan, so is happy to negotiate.

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Any plague effective enough to affect large swaths of the population will necessarily affect you, thus ending your benevolent and enlightened plan. And if it doesn't affect you, it will almost certainly affect your progeny -- unless the "original" you stored up...quite a princely sum of material and your society has amazing preservative skills.

(This is assuming that your plan goes like this: you die, warp to your son. If your son doesn't have offspring, you have to make some once you get into his body. Then your son will die, and you'll warp to your grandson, who will then have offspring, etc...)

To me, that's too big a gamble when eternity is on the line.

A safer approach, to me, is the one you originally rejected: engage in a very active love life and, to whatever extent you're able, reject birth control/abortion as shameful acts to be derided. It has been good enough for all of biological history -- there's no reason to believe it'll fail now. Heck, you can even settle down with one of your consorts to hedge your bets and make sure she actually raises the little future you to maturity.

The main point is that, in the absence of substantial social or government power, you won't be able to do much beyond what humanity has been doing since time immemorial. And even if you DO have that kind of power, there's no guarantee that your progeny will inherit it. Importantly, this will also ensure that you remain aware of modern trends that will engender you to your contemporaries (social ostracism does not an active love life make, after all!).

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Start with the mumps virus, do a bunch of genetic engineering:

Downplay the symptoms as much as possible. You want to stay below the radar of groups like the CDC as long as possible. However, you do want to up the sterility aspect as much as you can. You also need to modify it sufficiently that the existing vaccine does not work against it.

Release this virus in as many of the airports of the world as you can. Since the symptoms are so minor it's not going to be noticed until the sterility shows up. In time it will be identified and a vaccine produced, but you have a lot of sterile males, sperm banks will become widespread.

Note that you still have two showstoppers, though--how do you get your sperm into all those sperm banks and in the next generation they're your siblings, not your children.

I think you'll fare a lot better simply impregnating some suitable females. Find a culture that does not accept abortion and is sexually conservative. Find suitable candidates (healthy young females not in a relationship), rape them around ovulation (monitor their use of menstrual supplies.) You won't have to do it very often to ensure a supply of offspring to transfer into so you can spread your victims in time and space enough that law enforcement doesn't realize they have a serial rapist at work.

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