4
$\begingroup$

I, Rex Machismo, have determined that modern society has robbed this generation of its male identity. Gone are the days of conquerors, where we met each other on the field of battle with sword and shield for territory, only to be replaced by millenials who would rather talk about their feelings, political correctness, and the evils of "toxic masculinity". I roll my eyes at this drivel, which has made men weak and pathetic.

The only solution to this problem is DEATHBATTLE, an underground fighting ring where various combatants can compete with each other 1v1 to restore their dignity and self-respect, all in glory to the blood god Khorne. Only by beating each other senseless in a death match can an individual restore their manhood and stand proudly among their peers again.

There are rules that members must follow:

  1. Don't talk about deathbattle.

  2. DON'T TALK ABOUT DEATHBATTLE!!!

  3. Matches are only 1v1, where each fighter chooses a weapon before the match

  4. Killing is allowed, but not preferred.

My ultimate goal is to create a chain of these undergound groups across the country, each devoted to the same cause. They must be advertised to certain enlightened individuals interested in participating, as well as those interested in being paying spectators in order for me to turn a profit. However, there is a problem with promoting these underground tournaments.

One cannot simply advertise on Facebook or Twitter the address of their nearest DEATHBATTLE. Word of mouth also breaks the rules, as one can never be sure of undercover cops and reporters trying to expose the ring. The final problem is for these competitions to stay true to their purpose. The last thing I need is for them to unite under a domestic terrorist group with an anti-corporate agenda, aiming to blow up buildings to destroy credit card debt.

How can I advertise this project without exposing it to the authorities?

$\endgroup$
  • 4
    $\begingroup$ If we are standing in a ring beating each other's brains in with melee weapons, what do we care if a bunch of millennial police recruits crash the party carrying handguns that they are afraid to fire. The more the <strike>merrier</strike> bloodier! $\endgroup$ – Henry Taylor Aug 12 at 13:25
  • 4
    $\begingroup$ This is really no different from how underground animal or street fighting operates in the real world. The difference is one of severity, not kind. You could research how those people manage it. $\endgroup$ – Tim B Aug 12 at 13:42
  • 3
    $\begingroup$ @TimB, the trouble is, they don't talk about it much $\endgroup$ – Separatrix Aug 12 at 13:42
  • 3
    $\begingroup$ @HenryTaylor I’m sure we could have a posted shrink-wrap license, which all new age cops would read and respect, that entering the building (where the fights happen) constitutes full endorsement and intent to participate, thereby enable legally pounding the cops into dust if they enter. All hail the Amazon-Alibaba UN Treaty on licensing! :-) $\endgroup$ – SRM Aug 12 at 14:14
  • 2
    $\begingroup$ "There are too many weak men! The solution is for strong men to murder or cripple other strong men, thus reducing the number of strong men!" Someone, somewhere, has either not thought this through, or is being hilariously cunning. $\endgroup$ – Starfish Prime Aug 12 at 15:28
4
$\begingroup$

Dirt for dirt

Surely, this kind of mindless violence will have a strong following by the more criminal members of society, no? And despite the interesting fourth rule of your DEATHBATTLE decrying murder, many of your participants may already have committed such an act. I say, let the heathens invite their ilk -- no one joins a DEATHBATTLE, gets to attend, or perhaps even learns of its existence without you, Rex Machismo, having some sort of evidence of their wrongdoings, as a sort of blackmail/collateral. Sort of like becoming a mafia member through murder -- you have to prove you're not a pig if you want to be a man.

Let the heretics invite each other, after first consulting you or your licensed DEATHRECRUITERS -- they know their kind well enough. Just make sure you have something stashed away on each of them so they know they can never squeal.

$\endgroup$
3
$\begingroup$

I would say - you can't.

Authorities wich do not know about any (including absolutly legal) activity, involving more than hundred of persons (even if it is GIVE-A-HUGS-BATTLE) are not true authorities.

It means DEATHBATTLE needs to be extreamely narrow circled (like very few rich people introducing there warriors for selfentatainment and bets) and/or requer highly corrupted authorities.

In fist case you do not need any advertise. And you have no problems with simple street advertising in second case (just do not do it too obvious).

$\endgroup$
3
$\begingroup$

As with so many things that are officially against the rules, the only way to proceed is to get the authorities involved and give them their payola. Get the mayor on your side. Get the governor on your side. Get the chief of police on your side.

These can involve innovative means. For example: The chief of police may have a list of individuals he would rather were no longer bothering him. If these people were to be on the ticket of the next evening's entertainment, it would really make things easier for him. So, since you have at hand a bunch of people who know how to use weapons, and are willing to inflict damage, you go grab the people the COP dislikes. And they star in the next winner-take-all round-robin tournament. Single-loss-elimination rules as it were.

But mostly you would emphasize to the powers-that-be that the losses are small and undesirable people, and that they will be getting a metric tonne of money. And that if they don't agree the losers will show up on their lawn.

$\endgroup$
3
$\begingroup$

Act like a terrorist organization

So, just to double-check, this is the literal plot of Fight Club, and what you're asking is, 'How do I discreetly advertise'?

Word of mouth, primarily. Honestly, it's really the best and safest way to avoid the ratfink stool pidgeons squealing on you. Have the people involved tell other people who are 'on the level' and so on and so forth. And then keep them all self-contained. If your motivation isn't money, but to combat people smack talking 'toxic masculinity' by creating it, all you need to do is start a self-propagating system. Make a small pamphlet, possibly creatively titled like 'The Complete Guide to Starting A Death Battle Club', and pick a few promising dudes, then send them out into cities so your underground fight ring is essentially now just a bunch of loosely connected cells, so even if a few get busted, the rest are safe.

$\endgroup$

Your Answer

By clicking “Post Your Answer”, you agree to our terms of service, privacy policy and cookie policy

Not the answer you're looking for? Browse other questions tagged or ask your own question.