In my fantasy country, there is a tight government control over painkillers for reasons I can’t get into now. Their technology is the same as ours, if not a bit better.

There are government mandated somewhat invasive implants that many are having faked to get in without the full cost of official immigration.

  1. You have a fully trained surgeon with full equipment, just no painkillers outside of basic cold packs.
  2. The implants are just below the navel, and on the back of the head where it meets the neck.
  3. There are also implants to detect err... let’s just say delightful times, on women placed below the belt unless they pay for a permit to remove them.

How would these be done?

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    $\begingroup$ somewhat invasive implants — how invasive, exactly? "many are faking to get in without the full cost of official immigration" — I totally don't get what this part is about. no painkillers outside of basic cold packs — prohibition never really works, right? So this requirement is unrealistic. $\endgroup$ – Mołot Oct 21 '18 at 16:54
  • $\begingroup$ So this prohibition is working. By somewhat invasive I mean they are large enough to require a significant procedure. The bit about imigration is just like what we have today with people crossing borders illegally. $\endgroup$ – Tanzanite Dragoness Oct 21 '18 at 17:00
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    $\begingroup$ (1) I believe that you mean anaesthetics and not painkillers. Painkillers, such as aspirin, are not used for surgical procedures, because they would be useless. The purpose of anaesthesia is not so much to suppress pain but mainly to prevent involuntary movements and keep the muscles relaxed. (2) Chloroform is very easy to make in house; so easy that it sometimes gets produced accidentally... $\endgroup$ – AlexP Oct 21 '18 at 17:13
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    $\begingroup$ I agree with @Mołot the section about "faked" in paragraph two doesn't make sense. You can improve your question by rewording for clarity. Please note the number of surgeons required to implant the devices in a population will exceed that nation's supply of medical personnel. $\endgroup$ – a4android Oct 22 '18 at 1:05
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    $\begingroup$ @TanzaniteDragoness There is a huge difference between anaesthetics and painkillers: the first will knock you out, the pain will still be there, but your consciousnes is not. The second blocks pain reactions directly, while leaving your consciousnes intact (mostly). $\endgroup$ – DarthDonut Oct 22 '18 at 7:00

By definition, all implants are invasive...

Assuming that our surgeon is working under the table in an effort to supply illegal aliens with counterfeit implants, and that whatever complexities involved in the process of making the devices is handwaved, the actual surgical procedures are quite simple.

We'll assume two devices: one is very small, no larger than an 80mg aspirin pill; the other about an inch long and a square centimetre in cross section. We'll also assume that the devices are sterile!

  1. The first device is easy to implant: a needle is inserted into the tissue below the occiput and aspirated (you don't want to put the implant into a vein!). A guide pin is then inserted down the bore of the needle, which is removed. A series of increasingly large cannulas are placed over the guide pin. These will create some space for the implant injector. Lastly, the injector itself, with the implant loaded, is placed over the guide pin and the handle depressed. The implant is safely lodged within. A dab of tissue glue helps hold the implant in place. May or may not need a stitch. A little skin glue should be sufficient on the surface.
  2. The second device will require a little more work. Basically, make a stab incision in the umbillicus and use a clamp to create a pocket within the subcutaneous tissue. Suture the device to the person's tissue (prevents inadvertent or intentional removal) and stitch up the fascia. Will probably require a single stitch or two in the subcutaneous layer and maybe some skin glue.
  3. Your country is very weird! I've got no idea where exactly, "below the belt" implies. The actual procedure will be very much like one of the above.

Ah, yes the issue of pain. Well, your "patient" is an illegal alien trying to subvert the law. A little pain won't do him any real harm.

Cold packs are a good start. There is a minor analgesic effect with the cold. Other than that, I'd suggest the use of nitrous oxide. Perhaps a little midazolam. Patient will feel discomfort and pain, but really won't give a damn! Just keep them comfortable until they're safely out of the clinic!

An actual veterinary ID implant:

A veterinary ID implant.

And its insertion device:

A simple implantation device.

This implant is absolutely huge compared to the suggested device, but you can see ho the pocket is made and the device is seated within:

Subcutaneous implant pocket.


Painkillers Can be Stolen or Manufactured

Big suprise, I know, but criminals tend to not really care very much that the things they are doing are illegal. Kind of a major part of the whole "criminal" bit actually. Getting some ketamine or synthetic opiates can be accomplished by simply breaking into a veterinarian clinic, my mother's vetranarian clinic has had its anestetic locker raided a few times for exactly this purpose. Hell, you can get canisters of nitrous-oxide from a coffee shop and bakery suppliers legally with zero red tape. You could go online and buy enough nitrous-oxide to make a herd of elephants go night-night and nobody would even ask any questions, they'd just assume you were making a ton of whipped lattes. if you are feeling particularly frisky You can easily make chloroform in your closet with some basic chemicals and a hot plate (you might explode, but that never stopped the meth heads from venturing forth with their adventures in exploratory chemistry.) Hell, if worst comes to worst and profit margins are right you can nab a few chinese chemistry majors who are struggling to pay off their student loans to cook up whatever you need. That's where most of today's MDMA comes from.

Draconian Laws Have no Effect on Criminal Behavior

Also, our government actually did a series of crazy draconian laws about drugs like crack cocaine back in the 80's. Getting caught with it in a distributable amount could get you what amounted to a life sentence. What constituted a distributable amount was really not very clearly defined so basically just about every user busted was claimed to be carrying a distributable amount by the police. People were getting locked up for 30,40,50 years and STILL had not problem buying, selling or using the drug. In fact, some statistics show that crack cocaine use actually increased despite these laws anyways. Your government can be as draconian and dystopian as they want, criminals are still going to get a hold of what they want and use it how they want. Actually, a draconian dytopian type government would probably make drug prices skyrocket and increase their sales since if something becomes expensive it will motivate even more people to get into selling it.

Study existing Surgical Techniques, Mishaps With Back-alley Quacks

There is no such thing as a non-invasive implant, since by definition you are invading your body with a foreign object. The biggest risks in back-alley hack-jobs is infection. If you get too sick and the infection is antibiotic resistant (or your back-alley cyberneticist doesn't have any) you will have to go to a hospital and will get caught. Believe it or not, some desperate and vain middle aged people have attempted to get back alley budget cosmetic surgery done in real life. Infection, poisoning, and permanent disfigurement has resulted. One woman wanted a bigger booty and paid some guy $5,000 to inject several pounds of silicone roofing caulk into her butt. She died thanks to a mixture of massive sepsis and poisoning because, ya know, the 10 pounds of roofing caulk she injected into her body was kinda sorta highly toxic when used in that manner.

Frankly, I have no idea what kind of "implants" you are using in your story,so I really can't get very specific on how they would be implanted. A good place to start researching would be how they input things like artificial heart valves, insulin pumps, cochlear implants, and chemotherapy shunts. I bet that at least the basic surgical, santiation, and aftercare techniques practiced to install current day medical devices would also be used on your future surgically attached junk monitoring devices.


In lieu of painkillers you can use sedatives. You don't feel pain if you are knocked out.

If you don't want them to have painkillers because you don't want them to have access to medicines, remember that not all sedatives come in the form of pills. Kids in schools have challengermd Darwin throught history by playing pass out games. A doctor in an underground clinic could "play" one such game with a patient. Have thw patient breath really hard for a while then sucker punch them in the solar plexus. Have a nurse make sure the patient stays alive.

After the fainting, the implant insertion becomes a regular, everyday procedure.

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    $\begingroup$ You could also get them really drunk and do it after they pass out that way. $\endgroup$ – Mathaddict Oct 22 '18 at 14:26

The answers here are great, but I think it merits pointing out that anesthesia (which is what I'm assuming you mean, versus painkillers) is a relatively modern creation, and that surgery of varying sorts are not particularly modern (made better today, sure, but not new).

A lot of surgeries simply entailed significant pain. A shot of whiskey and a stick or leather strap to bite down on, as seen in a lot of movies, is actually pretty much how surgery went for the bulk of human existence (at least since folk have cut other folk open to add or remove stuff).

In other words, just because it's going to hurt like hell doesn't mean it won't be done. If they want the implants bad enough, they're going to suck it up.


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