Awesomeness powered magic - why would a group of awesome magicians want to keep their "kryptonite" near them?

Question

Fair warning - just rewatched Bill & Ted, so this is going to be a bit crazy.

Imagine for a moment there exists a world where “awesomeness” is a true force of nature.

Awesome people have the ability to perform awesome magic by channeling their inner awesomeness to their target. This may be used both offensively (a monster might be hit with such a pure wave of awesomeness it becomes a fez. why a fez? because fezzes are cool) and defensively (wouldn't you consider it awesome where the dragon flame that's about to burn you suddenly becomes a river of candy?).

Naturally the more awesome someone is the more awesome their magic power is. Almost everyone has a little bit awesome in them, but not dave (lowercase d because he's so boring that even his name lacks any strength of character). dave is so boring and plain that he sucks the awesome out of everything and everyone near him just by being there to the level no awesome magic can happen near him.

The question

Why would a group of awesome magicians keep dave near them during their D&D-style adventures? Not just sorta be OK with him making their magic fail but actively want him around? It can't be that he's cool and fun to be around because that would mean he has some awesomeness in him, which is clearly false.

Edit

At long last I made a short story inspired on this question

Answer 1

I've got a slightly different take on this; awesomeness isn't really awesomeness unless someone who's observing is... well, in awe of what they're seeing.

Dave is a catalyst; pure and simple. Without dave in the troop, their acts are awesome, but to each other they're just... Normal. Almost like dave. They can all do as much 'awesome' as each other, so compared to each other, they're just plain.

Compared to dave however, they're (you guessed it) awesome.

This is why they need dave specifically; dave is SO plain, that to him even the simplest piece of awesomeness is awesome, meaning that he acts as an amplifier to this magic. Without dave observing and being constantly in awe of them, their magic is reliant on external observations, which is going to be patchy at best. If they're performing in front of other seasoned magicians, their awesomeness is reduced by virtue of the fact that the expectations are higher.

So, dave is a critical part of their magic because when you get right down to it, awesomeness is something that is generated by the observation and comparison of external parties; it's subjective and therefore the observer has some influence on the amount of awesomeness generated.

Sure, dave may 'suck the awesomeness' out of things near him but he's not an active participant in the magic, he's a passive observer and as such amplifies the awesomeness through observation, not reduces it through participation.

In short, he's a catalyst in the true scientific sense of the word and let's face it; you could swat a fly in front of him and dave would be in awe.

Answer 2

dave is Family

Maybe something boring like a step-nephew. dave is family for several of the awesome magicians, maybe most of the party. dave really wants to be here. And, dissing family is NOT Awesome. So...

dave has Always Been There

Everyone has their awkward childhood. Before the magicians were awesome, dave was with them. As kids, they played together on great adventures (dave usually played the imprisoned prince/princess, a role he never complained about). After the magicians were awesome, dave has been with them the whole way. Maybe they hope they can help dave find his awesomeness, taking him out on adventures despite the extra danger that creates. Maybe dave is beyond hope, but he's still there, and they can't bring themselves to break up the band.

dave is Reliable

When you leave dave to cook, the magicians can rely on him not being approached by a strange wizard with a magic ring, or a time-travelling phone booth arriving containing an old man telling dave that only he can save the future. When the magicians get back from their adventures, dave will be at camp, with a meal prepared and their stuff looked after.

Answer 3

dave's a good cloaking device

The problem with being so super awesome is that you emit very distinctive waves of awesomeness, which makes it easy for the Government and other dullards to find you and ruin everything. The easiest way to cover up your signal is to bring along someone who emits the oppositely phased wave of dullness, thus canceling out your distinct awesomeness pattern.

In other words:

Since the proposal is that awesomeness itself is a force, it would be easy enough to say that "canceling out your awesomeness pattern" inherently implies interference with utilizing that awesomeness. You could even work in some local deviation if you don't want total cancellation near dave: there are higher moments in the wave functions that aren't canceled perfectly locally, but at long range these (exponentially) decay and leave a nicely canceled wave on what's left. Long range invisibility at the cost of a bit of interference. Not a bad price to pay if your enemies are threatening or annoying enough.

Answer 4

Awesome people have the ability to perform awesome magic due to channeling their inner awesomeness to their target, this may be both offensive (a monster might be hit with such a pure wave of awesomeness it becomes a fez, why a fez? because fezzes are cool) and defensively (wouldn't you consider it awesome where the dragon flame that's about to burn you suddenly becomes a river of candy?).

Well, boring people people have the ability to perform boring magic due to channeling their inner boringness to their target, this may be both offensive (a monster might be hit with such a pure wave of boringness it falls asleep) and defensively (wouldn't you consider it boring where the dragon flame that's about to burn you suddenly becomes a wave of chamomile tea (thanks @algiogia, a blackboard with a bunch of math, or a pile of papers on a random boring subject?) I mean, you stop seeing the awesome dragon fire and instead become tired/bored just by looking at the blackboard. This would make your awesome magic/dragonfire become less powerful

Of course, Dave does not have control of this boringness, it just pours out of him, so the awesome magicians cover him in a blanket so no one can see or hear him, then throw him at the monsters using their awesome magic.

Answer 5

dave is practical

He's really useful to have around in his own right. Left to themselves, awesome people tend to eat meals like fish fingers with custard, Dave can cook. He can put together a three course meal from things found in the woods. Dave can fix the wagon, mend a backpack, he finds washing up relaxing. It's like having your mum along on your adventures without having to have your mum along on your adventures.

dave is insurance

If one of the group goes off the rails and needs to be suppressed, Dave is there to get things quickly under control without it turning into all out magical war.

but more importantly

Being awesome all the time is exhausting

When they go back to camp they want to relax without unexpected magical outcomes. Dave's ability to suppress magic allows them to drop their guard and unwind without consequences. Dave's aura of sheer unadulterated boring means that nothing exciting at all happens around him. The camp is never attacked, they're never ambushed while travelling, they never get lost, it never even rains too hard. All that would be too exciting to happen around Dave.

While Dave derives quiet pleasure from a walk in the country. Adventurers actively seek out his company during a hard campaign to allow a few hours or days to recover.

Answer 6

Because he can absorb or dispel attacks from other awesomeness powered magic?

Because often their magic goes out of control and Dave stops that? Or perhaps awesome magic leaks out unintentionally and Dave prevents it. Perhaps there’s a risk of accidentally performing magic whilst they’re asleep if they have an awesome dream, and so for safety powerful awesome magicians need to keep a Dave around at night?

Answer 7

dave's boringness can be used to counteract dangerous magic.

In most combat scenarios, dave is an irreplaceable asset for the party. While the awesome magicians can channel their awesomeness into al sorts of useful magic, they also face the danger of dark wizards channeling their evil awesomeness and threatening the entire party.

However, dave is so incredibly boring, that any dark magic that the wizard tries to conjure up (using his awesomeness) is completely absorbed by dave's utter boringness. All dave has to do is step out in front of the party when they face a magical type of danger, and his incomprehensible lameness actually becomes very useful. Basically, dave is a powerful shield that counteracts any awesomeness-fueled offensive magic which comes near. When it comes time for the party of awesome magicians to use their power to clear away a blockade or eliminate a threat, dave simply needs to fall behind to the back of the party.

Answer 8

Because the awesome magicians are not "that awesome"

Or, our heroes know they have weaker magic then their enemies so they plan for it. Imagine this in D&D terms: You are going to fight a high-level boss or party. They are awesome, buffed and ready to grind you into the dirt. What is your first move?

Dispel their magic

So our hero's use this trick in two ways:

1. Send in dave first.

So you have a dungeon filled with giant acid spewing lizards, huge deadly spiders, and horrible orcs? dave just walks through it and absorbing all the awesome magic leaves only the original tiny lizards, normal spiders, and what turned out to be cardboard cutouts. Your party now just has to walk through this now unguarded basement and do what they need to (their magic now working because dave is out of the building).

Yeah the original wizard can re-setup his magic but its going to take time and that time gives a huge advantage to our party.

2. Fight physically weaker enemies with dave in the active party.

You have awesome magic!!! Why work out? Why buy "real" weapons? You can buy this cool plastic replica sword and cast your magic to make it a +7 Vorpal Blade and buff yourself to Olympian strength and flexibility.....Except dave is here and now you are an out of shape guy, holding a piece of plastic. While our party is carrying their ordinary steel knives, swords, crossbows & wearing real armor.

As long as dave is there you can't rebuff and our heroes have a pretty decent advantage :)

Answer 9

FOMO

Awesomeness is awesome when you’re ready to party, but when you want to sleep, you want a bit less excitement. Maybe these boss-level magicians are so awesome that random cool stuff happens while they sleep. Imagine the fear-of-missing-out that these beings would suffer: they sleep through being attacked by a dragon whose breath weapon turns into a candy flow... and when they wake up, all they know is something really neat happened, but they didn’t see it! So they keep dave around. Now their nights are perfectly normal. When they need magic, they have dave put up a billboard advertising just how awesome dave is as a magic dampener, which is enough external excitement to prevent him from dampening anything other than himself (which is even more pathetic, if you think about it). At end of day, take down the advertisement.

Answer 10

Dave reminds you what it means to just be alive

An awesome world is great, but it's so easy to get saturated. I mean, when the world is so awesome that bow ties are cool, pretty much everything starts to look the same -- awesome.

Enter Dave. Around Dave, you have to fight for survival. A 50 foot cliff? No problem, I'll just featherfall down, or turn the ground into golems to carry me down. Oh, I'm with Dave? Oh. This 50 foot cliff is actually 50 feet. There might not be a way out of this. There's nothing like jumping out of a perfectly good airplane to remind you how much you appreciate your parachute!

"Stop and smell the roses" they say. Well, when you can channel a field of them without even trying, frankly, they stop smelling so sweet. But picture this. Your rations are running low. You just narrowly avoided death at the hands of the dreaded ice kobolds. You're running on awesomeness and prayers, and that awesomeness isn't there for you. Then, you see a rose bush. Just one. A wild rosebush. No magic there. This is the real thing. This is worth stopping for.

You may have seen Penn and Teller's Fool Us show. It's a great show, but the show misses out on something important. Each time, before the show, Penn and Teller explain why they're doing the show. (Okay, fine. Penn explains it. Teller looks emphatic.)

Penn explains that he got into magic when he was just 5 years old. There was a certain sparkle that magic had for him. Something truly wondrous. Well after several decades in the business, they've seen pretty much every magic trick out there, and they know how they are all done. And somewhere along the way, the awesomeness went away.

So they do this show, hoping that one act will spark that five year old's wonder that they are missing. That's why they keep doing it. And, every now and then, they actually got the wish.

Answer 11

If I were Superman, I would want to know where every gram of Kryptonite in the whole universe was, to avoid unpleasant surprises.

In a like manner, if you leave Dave at home because he's too much of a bummer, then when you go up against the Big Kahuna you run the risk of finding that the BK has turned Dave against you in some way.

Answer 12

Fezpocalypse

Without dave around to buffer the effects of all that awesomeness floating around a single party, the awesomeness would bounce off and multiply against everyone else's awesomeness and cause an awesomeness feedback loop that could turn everything all around into fezzes. All the trees, buildings, people, as far as the eye can see. Nothing but fezzes. Mountains in the distance would turn into great big fezzes in the distance. Clouds would turn into fezzes and come falling down to the ground. Maybe even the earth would turn into a tremendous fez and the party would find themselves standing on a completely featureless flat red surface.

Or the party turns to fezzes too, except dave, the last surviving non-fez.

Answer 13

The wizards inexplicably idolize Dave: This may not seem like the most obvious, plausible, or clever reason, but in light of your story, I think it's by far the funniest option.

The wizards know Dave is bad for them, and any objective, third-person observer can tell them that Dave is a complete wet blanket, with no discernible redeeming qualities, but every single wizard thinks he's the coolest thing ever. They hang on his every word, they laugh at all his horribly unfunny jokes, they take his banal opinions as golden proclamations, and they all want to hang out with him all the time, even though they know they shouldn't

For maximum comedy, Dave should barely tolerate the wizards, even though they are the most awesome people in the universe, and he's a boring, obnoxious pain.

Answer 14

Left to his own devices, dave go into a runaway negative-awesomeness feedback loop, finally collapsing into an de-awesomeness singularity. While this would be awesome to watch, it would also, by it's nature, be able to fit any awesomeness inside, for a net zero awesomness. So, not awesome.

The wizards are saving the world by socialising with dave - which makes them awesome.

Answer 15

They want to find dave's Hidden Awesome

As the first non-awesome person anyone's ever met, they're all convinced he has some secret reserve of awesome, and once the right awesome events happens to (or maybe just near) him his awesome powers will reveal themselves.

Be Awesome to each other

Additionally, part of being an Awesome Magician is being awesome to everyone, including those who (unintentionally in dave's case) harsh your awesome. These wizards have banded together to help prevent the ostracization dave has suffered at the hands of the only "slightly awesome, but not woke awesome" regular populace.

Answer 16

As defence from other awesome magicians

There are awesome people in the world. But awesomeness is relative. They may be awesome, but these guys who hang out with dave are more awesome, which makes the other magicians less awesome. So if they could get rid of daves magician friends, they would become more awesome. But daves magician friends are more awesome, so you will have to attack them by surprise.

But then, there's dave. The ultimate shield against all awesome. No matter how many awesome magicians have tried to ambush the part, the giant meteor of rock (candy) that's meant to crush the awesome party and dave, simply ceases to exist when it gets too close to dave.

Noone quite understands this power, as a matter of fact, they think the awesome part is so awesome their awesomeness just erases all others. After all, dave is so boring his name is lower case, how could he ever possibly be awesome enough to overcome awesome magic.

Or perhaps even Dave is the one who defends the magicians, attacking the 'awesome' people who only attack with a handful of sticks etc. that they use their awesomeness to change into amazing weapons. But awesomeness doesn't work near dave, so they are suddenly defenceless, and dave simply stabs them with a real sword.

Then again, that could make dave actually quite awesome.

Answer 17

Anything related to a prison or prisoners.

Obviously dave would make a great prison guard as the prisoner wouldn't be able to use magic to escape.

Prisoner transport, again the prisoner can't use magic and anyone who would try to aid them from escaping couldn't use magic.

Quarreling wizards who hate, dislike, or etc each other. Boom wizard 1 can no longer turn wizard 2 into a toad because of some offense real or imagined.

What if your a wizard who has nightmares and starts casting spells in your sleep. You and all the members of your party would definitely want this anti-magic person.

Medical core would want one in case a wizard start hallucinating and trying to cast spells against things that aren't real. An anti-magic person would be a real boon in a mental ward to prevent wizards with Alzheimer's and other disease of the brain.

Answer 18

Having Dave around would allow them to pass as non awesome people for purposes of deception to potentially hide how strong they are or to sneak into a place protected from awesome people.

Answer 19

dave doesn't negate their power, he causes it

How about dave is antimatter? as in, he doesn't sap the awesome magic, but is, in fact, the negative counterpart of the awesome magic. IE, the existence and proximity of dave is exactly what causes the awesome magic. Kind of like two magnets next to each other. Snap them onto each other, nothing much happens. Pull them too far apart, nothing much happens. However, keep them juuuuuust close enough, but yet juuuust far enough apart and all sorts of fun things happen...

Answer 20

dave is an obligation.

In other realms, a wizard may be tasked with raising a young prince for their duties as the one true King, but one of your awesome wizards has been lumped with the task of protecting the dave.

If any evil ever befalls dave, there are catastrophic consequences (such as all fezzes becoming "kiss me quick" hats).

Answer 21

They owe dave a life-debt. At some point dave saved their lives by being present during a magical event that would have killed them. Until they save dave's life, they need to keep him around so they have the opportunity to repay the debt. Of course, because most of the danger in the world is magical and dave is so boring he cancels out the awesomeness-based magic he always ends up saving himself by cancelling out the awesomeness.

Answer 22

Wow didn't expect this silly little question to get so much attention... thanks for everyone, you truly are awesome.

Thought about it quite a bit and while the answer I like most was the one @John suggested at the comment section about them hanging with him do to it being the awesome thing to do I'm going to go with a different route, apologies in advance if some of you feels like I'm bending the question rules with this answer but I feel that this twist to the story is too awesome not to use (couldn't have figured it out without you).

dave isn't awesome... or is he? if he's just a catalyst for other people awesomeness or the baseline 0 awesomeness other people are measured by then that kinda makes him awesome,if he's just really reliable and always been there then that also makes him awesome.

In fact just about every reason covered by the answers given (which are all awesome don't get me wrong) also seems to make him just a little bit awesome when you think about it... awesomeness clocking device? just being named that is awesome... anti villein awesomeness secret weapon? secretly awesome... allow the awesome magicians to relax from all the awesomeness? everybody needs some downtime and giving somebody a well deserved rest is awesome... even having boring magic is awesome because since when is magic not awesome?

So if dave is somewhat awesome how can he suck the awesomeness out of everyone and everything around him? like @Tim B II suggested awesomeness is only awesome when measured on a scale of awesomeness and dave well... dave breaks that scale... he isn't drowning out the others awesomeness due to being so boring... he's secretly the most awesome thing to have ever existed and anything else ceases to be awesome near him.

Why nobody knows it about him and why everyone think he's so boring you ask? the reasons are tri-fold:

1. Because he's confident enough not to brag about your abilities is the awesome thing to do.
2. dave hiding is awesomeness is the form of playing the long game, preserving the element of surprise should the situation ever become dire enough, and planning ahead is a sign of an awesome individual.
3. dave is effectively allowing the other magicians to discover their inner awesomeness like @John suggested by hiding his much more powerful awesomeness and the only way he can do that is by self sacrificing (again awesome) every bit of reputation he would get had he showed it's true awesomeness.

and why lower case "d" in his name? dave gave the upper case to charity... he's so awesome he can literally give letters to charity, and being an anonymous donation his secret is still safe.

Answer 23

Every one needs a boring side.

Most adventures are a lot of boring tasks. Getting the fire wood and checking the map, discussing the new government of the land you freed, allocating budgets for different adventures.... the list goes on.

It's hard to deal with practical matters when you are busy being awesome. Fixing a trailer to the sports car you purchased to hunt a dragon in the desert is not awesome, running out of supplies and having to call for help is much much less awesome.

Answer 24

Performing awesome feats while being slowed down by someone boring makes it more difficult, thus success would be even more awesome. This leads to bonus awesome (XP) afterwards. Kind of metagaming..

Answer 25

Because hanging around Dave is awesome. Obviously, mages would need some way to cast magic despite Dave's anti-awesome aura: they may need to get some distance away from him, for example. But when they can use their magic, the fact of their continued association with him actually strengthens it.

So, why is hanging around Dave awesome? There are many ways you could play this. Maybe it's because it's badass to hang around with your one weakness nearby, where anyone could use it but you're confident in your ability to beat them even despite that. Maybe you hang out in the border between the awesome world and Dave's anti-awesome world, and living on the edge like that is awesome. Maybe he's just a really good friend, and you like to have him around even though his limitations sometimes cause trouble through no fault of his own, and sticking by someone like that is awesome.

Answer 26

dave is a Safety Release Valve/Storm Drain/etc.

In this world, one's magic is powered by their inner awesomeness, rather than your apparent awesomeness; your magic isn't determined by how others view you, but is an intrinsic property of your personality, your very being. This has the logical effect that your magic depends on a property that is always active, due to being a defining part of who you are; it's similar to magic power being determined by how red one's hair is, or by the colour of one's eyes.

As such, it's entirely plausible that some magicians may not be able to control their magic. This is where dave comes in: Since he's so boring that no awesome magic can happen near him, he by definition enforces absolute suppression over all awesome magic. If any mage has trouble controlling their awesome magic, which most super-powerful awesome mages likely would by very nature of the magic simply being the outwards manifestation of their personalities, then dave can easily function as a safety system to control when and how their magic can be used.

This is somewhat similar in concept to, e.g., Superman giving Batman a chunk of Kryptonite in case he needs to be stopped, or Cyclops wearing a visor/sunglasses to let him choose how to use his eye beams instead of just spewing them everywhere at all times.

Answer 27

dave is an autonomous, continuously firing, anti-magic bomb. Whose enchantments did you want to break? dave's your guy. Whose Earth-shattering kaboom needs thwarting? dave's your guy. Inadvertently summon [redacted to preserve sanity] and need it dispelled? dave's your guy.

dave: 1001 uses.

Answer 28

Dave is a pretty cool guy.

That and you don't want Dave to be evil. Who else is better insurance against an evil Dave than 5 awesome magicians?

Answer 29

breaking friendshit isn't awsome. and if you do it just to be more awsome then you are a jerk, and there is nothing about jerk who try to be awsome that is actualy awsome

so this group of awsome mage are either to awsome to thinking about breaking up with dave, or, they are aware that they can't just dump him without just saying "you ain't awsome bro"

Answer 30

dave is penance

True awesomeness comes with responsibility. To preserve their humility and promote empathy all truly awesome practitioners must do penance by having their magic blunted, and do it willingly. It is the path to enlightenment (or say, the path to touring Mars with Wyld Stallyns).