Despite scifi-produced anomalies like Klingons and the Jem-Hadar, people don't actually like prolonged war. I say people, because soldier and supporter alike fight the battles — and all are actually wired (genetically) to perserve life. To create a war so bloody, so violent, so disruptive of so many lives, you need to overcome a LOT of both biology and psychology.
The reason I say this is because no matter how you wrap it up or whether or not you win, war destroys everything. War destroys lives, economies, families, culture, everything. No matter how just the cause...
City populations will eventually hate the war because the youth they depend on to run businesses, farms, and support the community aren't coming home. Even city services begin to fail, affecting everyone.
Families will eventually hate the war because parents/supporters are not coming home, brothers/sisters/aunts/uncles that could fill the void are not coming home, and yet there's still a half-dozen (e.g.) children screaming at your feet.
Customers will eventually hate the war because goods and services they depend on aren't being supplied due to the loss of people, materials, resources, and logistics.
And, of course, leaders will eventually hate the war because constituents are beginning to hate the war and staying in power (even as a dictator) often depends on the compliance or complacency of the people — who aren't either anymore.
You'll notice that I'm not going to mention things like resources or land. Those may be what you wish to acquire or achieve as a result of a war, but it's not enough to sustain the violence you're looking for. Not even insult will do that. Once these things are obtained or resolved, all the determination to get them drains away. You need something much more lasting than a goal of any kind to sustain the violence you're looking for.
So... what do you need?
You need Belief
Soldiers need to believe... I mean really believe. Believe in a way that's religious to the core even if religion isn't part of the process. They need to believe in the cause so much that they'll accept the damage they leave behind to risk damage to themselves in the hope that they'll damage their enemies. There's an old adage, "there are no athiests in foxholes." It's relatively easy to bring a religious fervor to the military (Frank Herbert's Dune depends on this concept).
But it's not at home. You see, supporters at home need belief, too. They need to believe that the world after the war will be better than the world before the war. They need to believe they can survive the conflict and its consequences. But they have the luxury of asking themselves, "is all this worth it?" Especially when the soldier is getting 2-3 meals a day but the family isn't due to rationing. They go to church each week and hear the regular rabble-rousing sermon and begin to wonder, "is this what god really wants?" It's usually much harder to cause belief in your supporters than it is in your soldiers.
You need Hate
Anger dissolves over time. You need hate. You need to be sure that you see your enemy as something deserving of the fate they receive. That they are contemptible, even a stain on your existence. The Bosnian wars are an interesting example. The people in Yugoslavia lived for generations, even intermarrying between faith and ethnic groups, but when society finally broke down into war, very old hatreds came to the surface. Hate usually takes time, lots of time, to develop. But, if you hate your enemy, it's much simpler to treat them as pond-scum in need of wiping from the earth.
Again, this is much harder among the supporters, but not as hard as belief. Oddly, it is natural for humans to hate. In fact, we need to train ourselves not to. We naturally see competitors for mates, resources, etc., as something to be overcome and that very easily becomes hate. Look at how many people today are searching for a cause. It's so bad that people will glom on to the dumbest things, just because there's this inner need wired into us from our days on the Savanah to fight against something... anything... Therefore, hate is much simpler than belief ... but it still takes time. So you need to have a backstory that explains where the hate comes from — especially for your supporters.
You need Desperation
Luxury is your enemy. Even with an intense hate, if you have luxury, hate becomes something you indulge, not something that drives you. Apartheid is a good example of hate being a luxury. White Africa wasn't driven to anything, they were not desperate, and so the violence was much more subtle and much more insidious. Take away the luxury and suddenly you have the fierceness of a cornered animal.
There are a couple of things that will help with all this...
You need to Control Information
You can't let photos of the carnage get back home. When photography finally caught up with the U.S. Civil War, the images of carnage greatly affected the supporters, who became less supportive. Just as it is natural to hate, it is also natural to feel compassion. Those bodies represent some mother's children, some child's father, some country's hope for the future. This is at war with the hate in our souls. Natural, because we have compassion for our children, which is why we're fighting for mates and resources, etc. If you don't control information, you sow the seeds of war weariness.
You need to Use Propaganda
Here's an example of where Nazi Germany really shined. It was a propaganda machine. It kept its supporters controlled by feeding them a constant stream of success stories, heros, reasons to hate, and reasons to believe. It worked so well that by the time the Nazi's were in retreat their economy was an absolute and complete shambles — something that was getting noticed, but was largly ignored due to the success of the propaganda engine.
With this combination of behaviors and activites you can, theoretically, consumate a war having the violence you describe. However, you should not undersell the fact that every rational creature's behavior (when thought of as the masses and not the individual) will naturally avoid war soon after it begins. A race that is genetically prone to the behavior you want would be quickly swept from the ecological balance as being too upsetting to the balance. Thus, your story really isn't about the violence. That's just the window dressing that underscores the real message. It's about how you corrupt natural behaviors to promote such activity. You're not the first to try to tackle this idea. You won't be the last. Just remember, it's not about the violence, it's about the message. It's about how you control your own people.